Making America Great

Posted on February 16, 2016 by Bob Martin

patriotic eagle taking wing in front of US flagI have debated since my return home tonight about writing my post. I am upset about things I heard tonight. I, personally, have not been injured, but I am tired of hearing the same lines while I see what I see. I promised on my home page to stay out of politics, and, for the most part, this is not political. It is my thoughts and if I do not write them down, I will not sleep

I had talk radio on while driving home. The top of the hour news came on. The announcer was running through the incidents of the day – a lot of talk about the storm that hit the east. Then, as we have heard for almost a year now and will continue to hear for the next nine months, talk of the current candidates followed by sound bites. I heard the same rhetoric that we have heard since each candidate announced. I will make America great. It is time for a change. I will make things better. I am the one to lead this country into a better day. The comments came from both sides of the aisle. Like I said, nothing new, so why did I get upset?

As all of the above was being played, I pulled into a parking spot in front of the dry cleaner. I am former military and to be honest, I actually love ironing my own shirts. I don’t think anybody gets my folds crisper. My sergeant taught me well. However, since it took a few hours each Sunday, my wife convinced me to spend the dollar and change to get my shirts done. So now, tonight, I was pulling in to pick up the latest batch of shirts so I would have something to wear tomorrow, and I saw her.

Inside the store sat the owner. I could see her through the windows. She was working sewing some garment by hand. As I listened to these people who have no idea what it is like to be a common person, I saw that person. I saw the person, or one of the people, who makes this country great. She is there from morning to night, working. A small business owner working hard. She put her children through school and brought them up to be just as hard-working as she is.

As the radio moaned on, I thought about our offices. I left after six. I was not last. Inside the offices were still a good number of people toiling away to make education work for our students. These people put in 11 to 12 hour days to make sure this happens. The same happens at all of the schools. Teachers are either in their classroom late at night or working at home grading and planning. They do it because they want to see their students succeed in school and beyond.

My thoughts started flashing to other people I know. A friend who owns her own winery. She is up at dawn and works late. Another small business owner risking it all to make a dream come true and build up the economy. I think of the mother/wife who has survived cancer and worked hard to gain a certification to start a new job. She is one of the happiest people I have ever met. I have never heard a single complaint. She smiles through the day. She makes this country.

I then thought of so many of my former students’ parents and families I met while working with Catholic Big Brothers Big Sisters. I knew so many who worked two or three jobs to make a better life for their children. Some were single parents, others were parents who worked multiple jobs so their spouse could be home with the children. I think of these parents who come home tired, no exhausted, with time enough to rest before starting again the next morning. These people are the backbone of this country.

Each and every day, common people like me, you and the people I have mentioned are what make this country. It is the people who sit through traffic each and every day. The people who work early in the morning until late at night.

The greatest thing is that these people are people from both sides of the political lines and those not on either side. They do not get up in the morning thinking about which party they support or which candidate should win. They think about making the most of the day. They worry about how their children will do in school. They wonder if they will pay the bills with what is left of their paychecks. All of the people mentioned are great because they do not give in. They continue.

These candidates speak but they do not know. They say cliché after cliché and hope that we get something out of it. They want to win no differently than a quarterback in the Super Bowl. They will do anything to make it happen. The thing is that while they all talk about making us great, the greatness is in the eye of the beholder. When you talk about WWII, other countries looked up to us. As a matter of fact, when I moved about Europe, I often had free drinks when older visitors realized I was part of the American forces. However, if you look at our history, we had great things happen, and we had events occur that made us anything but great. We treated our own poorly and still do. How about making us a nation that works hard and takes care of its own. We are working toward that, but we are not there yet.

I think at this point it is time to stop listening to the radio and news. Perhaps I will listen to the classic radio show station. I can no longer listen to these politicians talk about this nation as if they know it. I no longer want to hear them talk about how they, they who do not know the struggles, know how to make us great. Perhaps if they talked to or listened to the regular American, they could find out what great means.

Sorry for the rant. Thank you if you meandered with me this far.

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Children and Choices

Posted on February 15, 2016 by Bob Martin

Group of Children Standing Variation Uniform ConceptWouldn’t it be interesting to have the freedom of a child? Perhaps, though they learn more from us than we give them credit. I know that we are always warned to be careful what we do for children learn more from our actions than our words. In watching our daughter, I see this taking place with issues that never even popped into my head. Today’s meanderings deal with latest fads or dreams.

Our daughter pulled a jaw dropper a few weeks ago during her annual physical. The doctor was having a nice conversation with her when out of nowhere, our daughter announces that she was a vegetarian. The doctor stopped for a moment and asked how we were getting protein into her. I smile and asked our daughter what she wanted for dinner. “Panda Express Orange Chicken.” The doctor just nodded and smiled.

After a conversation in the car about what she likes to eat, she decided that she was a chickaterian. So for the last few weeks, we have been going on and off different versions of what she would be eating. If she truly wanted to be a vegetarian then we would work to allow her to discover if this is what she wanted. It has been hard to try to keep up with what version she would be from day-to-day. I really struggled on the day that she was a vegetarian who did not eat broccoli. Now we were getting a little too specific. However, no matter what her cause, when she would see dinner, no matter what was on the stove, she would ask for some of all and eat without worry. This morning may have brought an end to all of this talk. We had breakfast and while eating she once again decided that a vegetarian would be her new way. I promised not to make her anything that would go against this belief. I mentioned burgers, no problem, I mention turkey, OK, I mentioned lasagna, yup. I told her I would try not to make bacon anymore in the morning to tempt her. I could hear the brakes. “Bacon??” She is no longer speaking of changing eating habits.

The same changes take place in her in choice of what she wants to be when she grows up. For the longest time her dream is to be an artist who paints and takes photographs while traveling around the world to help people. I heard all of the details as to just how this would happen. What was really interesting is how no matter how she described her method of art, it always came around to being done to help the poor.

Through the years, we also heard that she was going to be an actor and dancer. Oh wait, we can’t leave out the singing and being a teacher. She loves dance and has been taking lessons for years. After her annual performance for the dance school, she is constant in her decision that the stage is for her. No matter the changes in careers it always came back to being an artist.

This week we had a game changer. She has decided that she will be opening her own restaurant, The Bakery Caf – no e. It would be a bakery, but also serve food for those who do not like sweets. She told us that she is still going to be an artist, but with food. At one point, she mentioned opening her doors to homeless so they could eat. I guess her choice of overall career hasn’t changed, just the methodology in which she would create. She came home today and started her first solo baking with pretzels. There were bumps and mistakes, but in the end, they were tasty.

So I started by saying wouldn’t it be nice to have the freedom of a child and then questioning whether they learn this from us. All too often adults make decisions as to the career and take the steps to make it happen. They work hard, they sweat, and they try. Unfortunately, many have chosen the wrong career and end up hating what they do for years, decades. People do not feel that they have that freedom. Adults are not allowed to say they made a mistake and correct it. Children have do not live thinking that what they chose today, they must be at 60. Please do not get me wrong. I am not advocating that people up and quit their jobs. However, they can take steps to make changes. It cannot happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and a want.

I also asked if children learn from us. While we may not change jobs all that often, although two years seems to be a number that holds for me, we do go out and buy the latest fads to only pass on them within months. We all have that piece of exercise equipment that makes a great clothes hanger. We buy the latest book on how to improve ourselves only to decide within a few months that we like who we are. We purchase the latest fad of clothing only to change when the next style comes out. Unfortunately, adults also teach children that it is okay to change their minds when things get a little tough such as in a relationship. Our children watch this and learn.

They learn that it is okay to change their minds. This is a wonderful thing as they start exploring who they will be when they become young adults. These are the things they should learn. What we should be cautious about is teaching them that it is okay to constantly change their minds in other areas when things get a little tough. Such a double edged sword. So yes, we are teaching our child that it is okay to change her mind on careers. We teach her it is okay to change whether she is a vegetarian or not. We teach her that these are the times for those things to happen. We also teach her that when she is older somethings are not fads and should not be changed on a whim. It is a difficult task to teach these things. Only time will tell if we do it right.

Thank you for meandering with me.

 

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Calling All Introverts

Posted on February 14, 2016 by Bob Martin

What is my secret dream ?While I always hope that anybody who reads my meanderings would get something from it – even if it is just a smile, this one is aimed directly at my niece and others like her – myself included. Of late my postings have dealt with looking inward and leaving the comfort zone. My niece challenged me last night. She read about making choices that helped you leave the norm and try new things. However, she wrote and said that while she like the piece, she had hoped it would help her in being able to make choices on going to social functions. I had let her down.

My niece, like me, is an introvert. She hates going to parties and dealing with people. I know how she feels, and I must tell you hate is a nice word in this case. As a matter of fact, I have been known to actually utter the phrase, “I hate people.” I may have said this one or twice. I know a number of other introverts who feel the same way. We really don’t hate people. Introverts just have a hard time dealing with large numbers at one time.

If you belong to Facebook, most likely you have seen a number of posts describing what makes an introvert and how people need to understand them. I love these posts because they are, for the most part, dead on with the description. People who are introverts have to expend a lot of energy in order to be surrounded by a large number of people. We do not deal well with small talk. We cringe when somebody comes up to us and starts to talk about how they have a party coming up and would love to have us in attendance. We start dreaming about being in a cave somewhere high up on a mountain.

What makes it even more difficult is that unless somebody really knows me, he/she may have a hard time believing that I am an introvert. I teach, I mentor, I act, I hold conversations without any problems. I can welcoming to new people. These are not traits of a person who has problems dealing with people – unless you have learned how to hide the truth. If I mention the fact that I am an introvert, people bring all of the above up and ask how I can do it. If they ever saw me at a party, including at my own house, they would find me in the kitchen cooking or cleaning. This allows for me to interact with one or two people. The nice thing about kitchens is that they are not that big and few people can fit in them. Even with this knowledge I have passed on more parties than I can think of, even from my best friends. I always heard about the parties after and thought it might have been cool to be there. I would then pass on the next invite.

The two abilities I have that cause the most questions are the acting and teaching. It is easy to do these as an introvert. Acting means we are not ourselves. We get to be somebody else for two hours. An actor gets into the role of the character, and whenever I acted, I chose to be a character that didn’t have this issue. Teaching is something else that we can do because there is a focus to the talk. Teachers have lesson plans, they know what will be spoken about and lead the conversation. Even if students take a turn away from the main topic, a teacher can put it back on task. Where introverts suffer is when they have no idea where the conversation will go. Even in my niece’s case where she waits tables, small talk is a minimum. Something she can get through.

But this post is not explaining how to deal with introverts, there are already enough articles out there. Go ahead, just google – Dealing with introverts. Today, I want to talk to the introverts and challenge them to go out and do. We live in an extrovert’s world. If we continue to hide in our cocoons then life has a chance to pass you by. I learned this by being a left-handed person in a right-handed world. There is no way that the world is going to change.

The articles that try to get others to understand us, talk about how we need to recharge every time we do a social function. They are correct. However, what I have found over the years is that it is worth the need to recharge batteries when we put ourselves out there. You will be amazed at some of the good things that can happen just because you took the step out the door. The world is more connected than ever so the chance for us to hide in a cave or a cabin in the middle of the woods with no interactions with others is no longer possible. Besides, people start worrying when they hear people speaking of wanting to live like this.

So why do it? Well first of all, most people need to network to get ahead in this world. All too often, I have seen and heard about people getting promoted because of their social capabilities. Introverts, though well skilled, can be passed over due to people not knowing about you. Networking might also provide you with that new best friend or mentor who will help you as you try to deal with all of those outgoing, bouncy, want to hug every person type people. More importantly, by not going to these events, you are missing out on so much. I mentioned that I acted. As I was starting to actually make some headway in this endeavor, I found myself being invited to the homes of producers, directors, and other actors. I went to very few of these – I could not bring myself to going. The few I did go to, I entered, I had a drink, I stood in the corner, I finished my drink, I left – I did not network. I knew actors who made important connections at these parties. I felt happy for them, I wondered what I could have done.

It could help with your most important relationship. My wife is an extrovert. She goes to parties and functions and has a great time. I go with her so she doesn’t go alone. I go because my wife is a wonderful person and would most likely not go to a number of functions if I would not go. So I go so she can have a good time. I go so she can be happy. Fortunately, she understands me enough that she is selective of the invites that she accepts. But my going outside of the box is done because I love this person and am willing to put myself into these situations for her.

The last reason is two-fold. The first is that it does get easier. Think of anything you had to do thatOffice worker was difficult. With few exceptions, the more you practiced or did, the easier it got. While you may never leave the realm of the introverts, you will find that your stomach does not go into your throat every time you knock on a door while hearing a party going on inside. You will still need to recharge after each event, but the walking in the door is not so hard. The second is that there are some really cool people at each of these chances to go out of the zone. When you stay at home with popcorn and the television, you are missing out. I am not saying that you need to work the entire room and speak to each attendee, but go talk to people. You also learn to control the conversation and avoid so much of the small talk. Ask the person about him/her. Let them do the talking until you find that one thing in common. Then the small talk disappears and a conversation can happen.

The challenge I am putting out there for my niece and other introverts is to take it one step at a time. I don’t mean that you should fill your social calendar immediately. Pick one function, smaller is better. Go to it, and here is the tough part (I still struggle with this each and every time) get off the wall or out of the corner. Learn more about yourself by facing this fear. Learn about others. Meet some special people. This is a right-handed, extroverted world. You will have your time to hide away at home, but go out there and join them for a bit here and a bit there. You will turn out to be the better person. Others will get to see the incredible person that you are.

Thank you for meandering with me.

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That Annoying Comfort Zone

Posted on February 13, 2016 by Bob Martin

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Think outside the box. Move outside of your comfort zone. Try new things. These statements are thrown at us so many times. Young people hear them from parents, teachers, mentors, and peers. Adults are not only told these statements, they often read articles, books, and, yes, blogs that deal with these subjects. I, for one, have lost count of the number of times I have had this message provided to me. Sometimes it was hidden within a song or film, sometimes it felt as if the message was slapping me in the face. Now bear with me here since, yes, I will be talking about these subjects but hopefully in a different way.

The subject came up today as we tried to convince our daughter to take a hike. We are up in the mountains and the weather is perfect for hitting a trail. We had hoped for sledding but strapping on the boots and hitting the mud was the call of the day. We talked about it, but our daughter did not share our enthusiasm. While we have tried very hard to bring her up properly, we have slipped when it comes to outdoor activities. She loves to dance, run, swing, and such but hikes are not up there for her. So we talked to her about getting out of her comfort zone. We talked excitedly about how great a hike would be and the views would be awesome. She finally relented. I do not think I know anyone who could have taken longer to get ready.

We headed out for the Bertha Peak trail. It is high up, but an easy trail. Off we went for our adventure. It ended up that we drove high up into the mountains and into the snow. It was awesome (yes, I know my friends in the east may not agree). We were on a one-lane road deep in snow and ice. While the views were breathtaking, the ride was the adventure. We were slipping and sliding, we were hitting ruts. Our little one was in the back hanging on and laughing. When we finally decided to turn around, she begged to continue. She did get a little startled when we slid off the road and very close to a tree. Thanks to growing up in snow, we missed it. We made our back down onto the main road and over to another hiking trail. We spent the next hour making AOd0XUt2viQQBhYdObjQ8Y4xQ_dB5daRLe0nX9Z4tng5d3XuC9TbKKgG5XZHZCXw61odHpjAyhs0UyLh41t_ZdU~our way through mud, puddles, ice, snow, and, our daughter’s word, mudquick (sort of quicksand). She chattered the whole time. We all laughed, talked, and smiled the whole way. We reminded our daughter that if she hadn’t left her comfort zone, this day would not have happened. She wants to hike again tomorrow.

All of this talk about moving outside of our comfort zone and thinking outside of the box made me look inwards. I think I good number of my posts have been about just this. My getting fit, my looking at my life, my thoughts on working with people all deal with getting out of my box. My question for myself is when did I lock that box? I used to go outside of my box quite often. Perhaps it isn’t locked. Maybe the walls just get thicker and harder to burst through as we get older.

I will admit that, according to my oldest brother, as a young person I was the stick in the mud. The one with a stick up his a*&. What he didn’t know is that when I was outside of the realm of my home area, I was able and willing to try new things. Yes, even things that I will never share with our child. That would have to do with a weekend in Mexico my first weekend stationed in Texas. For that one, I not only left the box, it was broken beyond repair. I had to buy a new box. And I was the sane person that weekend.

I look back and remember so many times when I did followed the advice, and I cannot think of a single time that I am sorry that I did it. Not every time turned to be an amazing event, but I learned from each and every time. I can share a couple of them.

The one that always comes to mind is the day a number of us were bored and decided to jump out of an airplane. We didn’t do tandem; we jumped. I always tried to play things safe. I worried about doing things that just weren’t safe to do and avoided them. One night, on a whim, friends said let’s go jump tomorrow. Before I could think, the box opened and I stepped out. We went to the school and did our ground training. We checked our packs, and took the long walk out to the plane. During the time that it took us to ascend to 4000 feet, I kept remembering the training that once you were hanging on the wing, you could not come in. The pilot was instructed to wiggle the plane until you let go if you made a move to come back in. The jump master looked at me and motioned to the door. This was a little plane, so I crawled to the door and reached out to the strut on the wing and dangled. I watched the jump master. His thumb went up and my hands let go – oh yeah, we had a static line which automatically deployed our shoots. Just the same, I let go. It was not until I saw the video later that I realized that instead of going into the spread eagle form, I started running after the place. That’s right. At 4000 feet, I thought I could run and catch up with a plane – nope doesn’t happen that way. However, once I was under my canopy, I experienced a life changing moment. I hung there slowly descending. I have never experienced a lack of sound before or since, but up there you have no sound. I spoke just to know I hadn’t gone deaf. I went out of my box and would do that again.

ALfOyf2Ou8iit7VH9xOEPy8DtN-fO3d-5FLSkTYjneHV4VbBRWd_uohZbRV2xlLzM-Y7zRcZWDIDZdYeUDk7FA8~I think the biggest step I ever took out of my comfort zone was coming to California. I spoke of doing it since I was a child in single digits. I was going to be an actor. Every time I thought I was ready to do it, an event would happen in my life that would stop me. They were legitimate excuses or so I thought. I finally came to the end of my first half of Air Force life. At ten years, one has to make a decision stay in for the full twenty or jump. I jumped. I called everyone and told them. None of my bosses tried to convince me to stay. They told me that they knew my plans and dreams and were not going to stand in the way. I always wondered what would have happened had they even tried. My family told me that it was about time. I had voiced my plans and could find nothing to stop them. I had put myself into a position that I had to do it.

I left everybody behind and drove from Niagara Falls to Burbank. I knew no one. I had no idea how to go about getting into acting. I had six months left in the service, but once that ended – no pay check. I left my zone, I was terrified. I arrived out here and started doing all the steps that the books and websites suggested. I started in background. I met cool people such as Sally Fields, Dee Wallace, and the cast of ER. I earned my union card and started getting bit parts and a couple of national commercials. Then it happened. Just as things were starting to work, the company that I worked at to pay the bills switched my hours and told me that I could not have time for auditions or shoots. The universe gave me an option to not only stepped out of my comfort zone, but leave it forever. I stepped back in.

I need to state though that even though this experience outside of the zone did not succeed, I would not change it. I guess in a way it was a success. It all depends on how you describe success.

There has been times since then when I have left my zone, but they are less and less. I find it harder to do it. The walls have gotten thicker. Today gave me an opportunity to do something I normally would not. I found a chink in the wall. I can see opportunities ahead in my life to chink away more and more. I know more than anything the one thing I would like to do to dismiss the zone. I am not there. Perhaps if I keep chinking away, I will find the hole.

What about you? Are you stuck in your zone? When is the last time you left your comfort zone? Go ahead and share your experiences.

Thank you for meandering with me today.

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Am I the Sum of my Whole?

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Bob Martin

Message in a Bottle at SunsetMessages can come from the strangest places. I believe that the people who read my posts already are aware of this. I have had conversations with a number of friends, relatives, colleagues, and even those just met about how ideas and answers come to them at times when least expected. Think about your own life for a moment. How many times does a day happen where, due to a number of circumstances, a bell finally goes off in your head and you instantly know the answer to struggles that have been plaguing you for days, weeks, or even months? What makes it really interesting is from where the answers arise. It can be a deep conversation, meditation or prayer, research, or a cartoon. Yes – a cartoon.

Today, we took a break as a family and took our daughter to see the animated feature, Kung Fu Panda 3. I will admit from the start that I thought it was number 2 we were going to see. I didn’t know that that film had already occurred. I remember seeing number one, but what the heck happened to the second one. Once I had wrapped my mind around the fact that I had missed a film, I thought that I might not understand the story line for this one since I missed one-third of the story line. Yes, I actually think these things. So I settled in ready to take a nap. Then it happened – I received a life answer.

I am not going to give a synopsis of the film. If you are interested, it is a cute film and it has some nice messages hidden inside. My daughter instantly was able to discuss what she was able to understand to be the theme of the message. The other kids in the theater seemed to like it as well. My hope was that it would be enough to keep my interest and justify the cost of my ticket.

Now before I get into how a fat panda gave me answers, I want to discuss the question. I am fifty and many people might look at what I am about to share as a mid-life crisis. I have been searching to try to figure out who I am. In my 30+ years of working, I have held many different jobs. Some of my choices were, but not limited to, Door-to-door salesman, cook, waiter, printing press operator, water-bed salesman, member of the Air Force, actor, industrial parts salesman, teacher, technology administrator, and writer. My students used to chuckle at the number of jobs I have held. Perhaps I wrote a while ago defending the Millennials because I understand them. My goal has always been to find that job that not only can pay the bills, but also mean something. So all of these “careers” lead me to always question, who am I?

I think, like so many others, I try to label myself. I want to be able to say, I am a ……… fill in the blank. All too often when I meet somebody who knows nothing about me, whether it be at work or at a social function, and I am asked to talk about myself, I start with my job. I tell people what I do for 40 hours a week – 23.8% of my week, not even a quarter of my week. Yet, this is how I see myself and how I want others to see me. In the end, it is also what is behind the question of who am I. I want to think that I am not alone in this struggle. We hear about the current generation just entering the work world already fighting with this problem. But what about the rest of us? Don’t we all have this question? We are ignoring the other 76.2% of who we are

So this takes me back to the panda. At one point in the film, the main character finally asks who am I. He starts to list all of the different people he is. The bear finally realizes that he is all of those things. He is the sum of all of who he is. I sat up in my chair. This was not a new concept for me. I have heard these comments before, not once but many, many times. Not only had I heard this, I taught it. I used to try to help my students see that they are not just the person in my classroom. They are a brother or sister, son or daughter, friend, even nemesis. I tried to teach them to not put a single label on who they are, and yet for so long, I have done just that. I wanted to walk around with a sign hanging from my neck saying …… Now here I sit and let this animation flip by cell by cell and the answer finally sinks in.

Due to my wanting to be able to have a single sign, life has been difficult of late. Internally, I have tried to stand on the outside and look in. I didn’t like what I saw because I only saw who I was from 7:30 – 5. I want to be more. I want to make a mark. I want to change the world.

So this silly little animation threw out a cliché at me, and it stuck. I spent the rest of the movie thinking what are my parts? What makes me whole? The funny thing is the job came far down the list. I started, because of a panda, to really take stock in who I am. I am a husband, a father, a son, and brother. I am a person of faith. I teach, not as a job, but out of love. I have done this for a while. I have watched students take off and fly. Even today, I try to teach in a way in which the student far out does the teacher – my students are not just in a classroom. I am a writer. I may not be famous, but I have a love for words and sharing them. I am friend to a number of people and a close friend to a few. I am a person who loves life. I love watching the world around me. I am an administrator.

I spent the rest of the day pondering what I heard. Thoughts came and went. I am starting, only starting, to understand that while one should work hard and do the best job possible, that it is not the job in which we want to be remembered when we are gone. Yes, I hope that in the end, people say that he worked hard and did well, but he really was such a great…. fill in the blank. I now get my focus has been wrong.

Now, if you work with me, please don’t take this as a notice that I am quitting my job and going to leave on a journey of searching. Let’s be honest, we all need to work. I am not selfish enough to stop working and putting all of the responsibility on my wife. I love her too much to do such a thing. However, it does mean that I will be making sure that I am focusing my life on the right areas. I will be righting down a list of who I am and keeping it with me. I will notice those items at the top. I will give all of my energy to my position that pays the bills while I am working. After all, I am trusted to do a job and I will honor that trust. But I will make sure my priorities are correct. In the end, I still want to change the world. I want to make a mark. I want to introduce myself and say, Who am I? While let me tell you all the parts that make up me.

So I ask that if you have gotten to this point to share. Who are you? Has this been a struggle for you, and, if so, how did you change? What are the parts that make-up you?

Thank you for meandering with me.

 

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Stay with me here if you can.

Posted on February 10, 2016 by Bob Martin

Illusion of MindWatch out for this trip for it will have a lot of twists and turns.

I have, at least what I consider, a very strange mind. It goes all over the place. I find at times that it is very hard to control my thoughts. Sometimes I even scare myself with the places and ricochets that my thoughts take. The thing that really perplexes me is when these events actually occur. I find that the better the day is, the more my mind soars. When I am more focused on my work, part of my brain is always running somewhere. The bad days turn this part of my brain off. When I don’t want to focus at the task at hand, my thoughts stay put. The worst is on a great day when I am actually trying to settle and meditate. Never happens.

So today, I am going to share a little insight in to my brain. I will be curious to see if this click with others. People I know have told me that it is because I write. I am not so sure about that. I actually hope that there are more people like me than not; I find it interesting to go on these trips. So now, instead of profound thoughts, I introduce you to thoughts from my day.

The day started with a banana. I blame all of this on the banana. I stood in the kitchen making our daughters breakfast and there it was. One of a bunch. It just sat there on the counter. I started staring at this piece of fruit and of course the first thing I heard was a minion’s voice saying, “Ba-na-na!” Sung broke out in my head. Then the music started, “Yes. We have no bananas…” I pick it up to amuse our daughter and make a call. The name kept coming back to me. Who the heck sat down and named this thing. Sites on line, yes, I looked it up, say the word comes from Africa. I really think somebody first said it as a joke. The joke continued and now it is on us.

It did not take long for my brain to focus on my breakfast – a big orange. Now coming from the east coast and having toured an orange processing plant in Florida, I instantly pictured the room where they sprayed this fruit. They spray it orange. What?!?! Why would they do that? I remember that we were told it is for marketing. Yes, nobody wants a dull orange. I wanted to run to the end of the driveway and shout, “They are fooling us!”

My last thought for the morning, at least that I am willing to share, was cat food. It smells disgusting and looks worse. Yet there is our cat begging for it. I know the can says it is real food, but come on – what animal is that? I started feeling pangs of sorrow for our cat. I wanted to pull out the tri-tip from a couple of days ago and make her a true treat. Nope. This cat wanted that can.

Then it was the drive. I will only share one from this. We stopped at a red light. There was a woman in her car behind us. She looked happy, such a nice smile. Next to me was a man who looked like he did not want to go wherever he was headed. Behind him was a mother and son having a “discussion.” I am not sure what the child did, but he was hearing about it. My brain started filling in the conversation. He should not have taken the money and texted his girlfriend to meet up with him. You always get caught.

My eyes went back to the woman behind. She was checking out her teeth in the mirror. I started concentrating on talking to her through telekinesis. I stared at the mirror and started thinking, wave at me. If you can hear me, wave at me. She checked her hair. Wave at me! She brushed her eyebrows. Wave at me!! She looked ahead. Ooops, can she see me staring? Light turned green, off I went.

Work did not improve my thought pattern. I sat down at my computer this morning with a lot of work waiting for me to start. I looked at the keyboard. Okay, if I thought banana was weird, who decided that the letters had to be in this order on the keyboard. I know people will say that it is arranged for ease in typing, but think about it. We didn’t know how to type before we sat down at a keyboard. The letters could have been upside down and we still would have learned. I have thoughts, but I will not be that mean.

The keyboard didn’t take much time because I noticed the cable connecting it to the computer. How? How does that cable carry any information to the computer so that it knows to put the letter A on my screen? I know there are switches underneath and chips inside, but really? How does this thing really work? Wait the screen. Pictures, words, letters, menus. I program so I know how to make these things appear right where I want them to be, but how does the monitor really work? I tilt it, I turn it, I marvel at it.

I did take a break from the office and walked a couple of blocks down the street. Oh the blue sky was gorgeous. Wait. That is science. I know this one, it isn’t blue. The color is being refracted. I feel pride in remembering this. I can even recall the whole life of a cloud. Yes. I do have some smarts. Wait. What color is the sky is the light doesn’t bend? Why does the wind blow? How come that driver just passed me while on a phone?

Most of my day was like that. Thoughts racing around here, there, everywhere. I pondered so much today. I am not sure how I got any work done, but what is really cool on days like this is half my brain continues on task. I get things done.

Near the end of the day, my brain is spinning faster than I could imagine. I need to see if I can stop this from happening. A walk down the hall. That should help me. I walk down looking at every item in the hall. I wonder why this photo is here and not there. I wonder why some doors are open and some are closed. Ah closed doors, yes the restroom. I stop, I turn, I open the door my thoughts started looking………

I will leave the rest to your own thoughts. If you made it this far. Thank you for meandering with me.

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Let’s Do IT together

Posted on February 8, 2016 by Bob Martin

Mature Man ScaleThis morning I became angry with myself. I had nobody to get angry at outside of me, myself, and I. I could not believe what I had done, and who I had become. I realized that I have been fooling myself for a while now. I kept saying that I was doing alright. I wanted to believe that I actually was making it happen with little or no effort on my part. I remembered telling our daughter only yesterday that if you truly want something to occur, you have to work for it. While I did not use the words, “no such thing as a free lunch,” I came close. Yet, here I was expecting things to happen just because I wished for them. How could I tell our daughter something without living up to my words?

So what did I do that was so bad? I stepped on the scale. Scales do not lie! My wife and I had decided to do this 7 day challenge we had seen on Facebook. It deals with cutting out the bad and adding the good. We are challenging each other. I took it to see if I could restart what I had done last year in the spring. I wanted to see if I could do it.

In order to see if the challenge works, I had to step on the scale. Years ago, I had reached 240 pounds. I could not stand myself at that time. I was tired. I had to buy new clothes. I was alone. At the urging of a friend, I started a boot camp program. After a few months, I was down to 209. Not too bad, but nowhere near my basic training weight of 186.

Since that time, I have done the rollercoaster that so many ride. My weight has gone up and down. Last spring I had gotten back to 214. I was on the way. Then I got busy. I needed to work more. I wanted to sleep a little more. I hurt my knee running. I……insert excuse here (I think I have used them all). I blamed my co-workers for bringing in too many treats. Oh wait, I brought in the doughnuts. I ate out more because….well because. I knew my shirts weren’t fitting the same. Things became tight. I kept telling myself that all was fine, I was maintaining. Today, I admit I was maintaining bad habits.

This morning I stepped on the scale to find the number 235.2 staring back at me!!!!! That does it.

Now I am not going cold turkey. I am not going to start working out two hours a day. I am not going to go nuts. I am going to try and make small changes. The challenge is a great way to start. I will try to slowly move down to my goal weight. The first goal is 5 pounds.

This is all fine, but I started thinking about why I want to get into shape. We are a country that shows off great looking people one second and then fast food burgers the next. In some cases, both are shown at the same time. We receive these mixed messages all the time. Our stores charge more for healthy foods than they do for junk food, but they post signs about choosing healthy. News articles are constantly telling us what is the best way to stay in shape only to contradict themselves a week later. So with all of this happening, why should I buy into it all and try to get into shape? I think that if you have read any of my posts, you already know, we have an eight year old daughter.

My family has a horrible track record when it comes to health. I have been fortunate to this point and all is well. I am lucky to have a doctor who keeps track of my history and watches my health. My father passed while only 42. I have many reasons to do this, but my daughter still tops the list.

I am glad to say that I have some great examples to follow. My wife is not only my biggest cheerleader, but she is also a great example. She shows me every day that excuses are not accepted. She goes out every day to get a work out done. She has never chastised me for my lack, but she is always willing to support. My oldest brother and his wife are two other examples. My brother like me used to have excuses. One day they stopped. He started. Little by little, the weight dropped off. The two of them run together to work out. They both just completed a race in Florida while on vacation. They are heroes to me even if they do not know it. They are older than me. Age has nothing to do with getting in to shape. I have a colleague that who is unwittingly challenging me to play catch up in the “get in-shape” game.

A number of my friends have done it. Some needed a little extra assistance, some had partners, and some did it on their own. I see them and know that I can do this. Again, at the moment I am lucky to not have the health issues, but they are probably closer than I think at this moment.

So here I go. No New Year’s Resolution. No fad diet. I am going to do this and do it right – slowly. I cannot promise that I will be here for every milestone of our daughter. But I can promise that I will change my ways and make sure I am doing all I can.

Who wants to join me? I have added a forum to the site under Let’s Get Fit Together. I have a few topics and will be adding more. They say that it takes support to make it. Let’s support each other. Share your experiences. Share your support. Share your victories. Just be there for each other.

Thank you for meandering with me and hope to see you on the forums.

 

Posted in Do right thing, health | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Cookies for Sale

Posted on February 6, 2016 by Bob Martin

Close up of Girl Scout cookies“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” I heard that phrase for a solid two hours today. Our little one and her fellow scout stood outside the local mall selling box after box. They explained to the customers how each flavor tasted. They spoke to every person who passed by, some accepted, some apologized, some ignored them totally. Yet these two girls kept smiling and even wished them a nice day. In the end, the two sold 154 boxes. They met their goal plus four.

I stood watching these two for the entire period. While it may be February, the temperatures were warm enough to make you sweat in the sun. My wife and the mother of the other scout sat behind the table collecting the money, running the cards, and restocking the table. While it was warm, the cookies moved so fast that melting could not even begin.

The two moms spent the two hours making sure the girls stayed on task.

“Turn around. Your customers are behind you.”

“Stop hiding behind the map. I know it has shade, but there are no customers out there.”

“Get up.”

All of these phrases echoed time and time again while the girls were being reminded why they were there. I am not sure that the girls really cared. After the first hour, the intrigue had been replaced by hunger, thirst, and boredom. I too started to lose my excitement of being there. My mind started wandering and meandering back to my own childhood and having to hawk my wares as a fund-raiser.

As a youngster, I belonged to a Drum and Bugle Corps as well as attending Catholic school, and finally belonging to the band in high school. All three, and I am sure there were more, involved fund-raising. We raised money for trips, for supplies, and for uniforms. My parents believed that if we wanted to be part of the groups then we had to do the selling. My parents didn’t take the forms to work and sell for us. My wife and I believe the same for our daughter.

I guess in a way it seems sad that we are not willing to up the number of boxes to be credited to her. However, I must always go back to the way I was raised. My parents were not perfect, but they did believe in one doing their own work and earning their way. I believe that it is from where I get a good part of my work ethic. It also is the reason that I have so many memories in which I can revisit during these years of watching our daughter do the same.

I believe my want to succeed and compete in numbers also ended up causing my parents more embarrassment than others. I wanted to sell. I would sell to anybody and everybody. I would attack my parents’ friends. I would approach strangers and ask. I would find new and unique ways to sell items.

Coming from our small town, we were friends with so many of the people. One such case was a priest from the local shrine. I cannot remember how we really met him or how he became so close to the family. I just know that when you needed somebody to talk with Fr. Louis was the man. He cared about people very much. If our drum corps had a rehearsal weekend in the local area, he would come visit and even offer a non-denominational service. He helped us out in many ways. Due to this, I would often take advantage of the friendship.

The Shrine had a rectory with a number of priests. They had to eat. Being part of the high school band which traveled to Florida every two years, we had to sell oranges and grapefruits. Being Catholic, I had to go to confession. In those days, you went once a month – need it or not. My parents dreaded when we would go. They knew. I would go into the confessional – we already did face-to-face – I would confess. It took minutes. Then I would kick back and start chatting. After a while, Fr. Louis would ask what I was selling. I would pull out my order forms. Forty-five minutes after entering the confessional, I would emerge to stares. People would whisper and look at my parents. They looked at the ground and would wait until we walked out of church before asking how much I sold.

My having to see for all of these clubs actually led to my first job. I was a Fuller Brush salesman. I had my kit and would go door-to-door selling brushes, combs, cleaning supplies, and other items. I also had a job as a water bed salesman later in life. All of these things came about because my parents had me complete the task of raising money for the groups to which I belonged.

I snapped back to our daughter. She completes a sales of six boxes. I can tell that she is tired and not finding this all that fun. But she continues. She turns around and starts asking the next person to walk by. My wife gives her a tip and she goes back at it. I can start to see that when she is older, she will have skills from today from which she will be able to draw. I wonder if Fuller Brush is still around.

So the next time you see a student doing a fund-raiser, help them out. You are helping them build skills for life.

Thank you for meandering with me tonight. Oh yeah, let me know if our daughter should contact you with a box or two.

Posted in Do right thing, family | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

A Cat’s Thoughts

Posted on February 6, 2016 by Bob Martin

WIN_20160206_08_26_09_ProToday we are going down a different road. Come with me as I look at the being that live around me. Just so you are aware, this is not Bob writing. It is one of those days where they (those two legged creatures) lie in my bed late into the morning. My name is Kiantrangopolisanti. Yeah, go ahead and try to pronounce it – please don’t. It bothers me when the beings try to say it. You may call me Kia. That is what my beings call me. I trained them on the shorter name so that they didn’t hurt my ears.

I have heard the one with the really short hair wonder what it is like to be me. Even the shortest of the group often says how she wants to be a cat. Hmph. They think it is so easy being me. It is a lot of work. Not like them just lying in my bed all morning. I work hard at training these beings and keeping them in line.

The littlest one is my favorite when I want to play. I think I have trained her better than all the rest. She knows what I like. On many afternoons, when she is not off at that place she takes food to every day, she treats me well. She selects items for me to wear. I love the hats and glasses best. More importantly, she does not make me walk. She has this wonderful bed on wheels; she calls it a stroller. She sets me in it and wraps me in a blanket and we walk. I don’t care where we go, it is so comfortable that I get in a good nap. She has these toys that I get for her to use, but she doesn’t do them all that often. The hardest part is trying to get her to play like a cat. We can start off tumbling with each other. However the first time I try to bite her or show her who is the winner she gets all upset. I used to play like this with my brothers and sisters and they never went crying to my mom. The big people yell at me for playing like this. They are too soft.

When it comes to playing, I look for the one with the long hair. She knows how to play. I have her trained to throw things. Yes, it is a lot of work to constantly run, get it, and bring it back, but it makes her happy. I find it really makes her happy when I run across the floor and slide at the last moment to get the ring. She laughs. While bumping my head into the wall all the time isn’t the greatest, I will suffer to make these beings happy. The things we must do for the animals we choose to have. She seems to have the most fun when I let her play with the light gadget. I have to jump all over the place to show her where the little red dot is on the wall and floors, but she seems to get the most joy out of this toy.

The short haired being is the calmest of the group. I can get him to play with me, but I go to him most when I just want to relax. He has a calmness about him that causes me to settle down. I really like to sit on top of the keys on this thing that has words. It is warm and it causes him to pet me and pick me up. It is fun to sit on the chair with him next to his legs. He is so warm and keeps me warm. Lately though, I have trained him on a new trick. I get on my big bed when he stands near it. I tap him gently, you have to be careful not to hurt these beings, and he bends over. I can jump up on his shoulders. I ride about there through the house until he passes the spot I want to take a nap. This so much better than walking.

I have trained my beings well. They serve my food twice a day and clean up my box. But life is still not easy with them. I still am training them to not bother me when I want to nap on the big table. Just when I get comfortable, one of them moves me (not the little one, she giggles). I also have to work hard at getting them to understand my wants when it is dark. For some reason, when the sun goes down, these beings think that is the time to sleep – what a waste. I try to rouse them out of bed, but they just wave their hands at me. I have to duck so they miss me.

I do have short hair trained to lift the blanket for me. I love to sleep underneath the blanket. I can crawl on the bed and tap him. His hand automatically lifts the blanket to let me take a short nap. While that works, it doesn’t work when I tap him to get up to play. He just pushes me away. I try everything to get them going, but these types of beings just don’t have the energy of us cats. I even tried walking on the thing that lets out music this morning. I planned it perfectly. I pushed the button and out came the music. His hand just slapped a different button and turned it off. The worst part is when they act like they are getting up. They get out of my bed and head for the door. I run ahead of them to show them where to go next and they shut the door. I must stop falling for this one.

The one good thing is that I send them out of the house almost every day. They need time to be with other beings. If it was not for those eight hours of peace and quiet, I am not sure how I would manage these beings. I can deal with the couple of days each week when they are home more than normal. However, every once in a while, they stay home for days at a time. IT IS EXHAUSTING.

Just the same, I am glad I have these beings. I really recommend every cat get at least one. I know that there are some dogs out there who own beings. I have not made my mind up about this one. I often look out the window and see the dogs exercising their beings. I worry that this could damage the beings so I will limit the amount of exercise I make mine do.

Oh well, the short haired being is up so I better wrap this up. I hope that this has provided some insight on the life of a cat. For all you cats sitting with your beings at their TV with words, take care of them. You never know how long you will have them.

Thank you for meandering with me.

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Visions of After

Posted on February 4, 2016 by Bob Martin

New winding mountain road with drawn linesSometimes the brain takes you on a journey that makes no sense. Often, when I go on these weird thought patterns, it is the result of a stressful day. Perhaps the frustration level was high, tasks needed to be done, there were a lot of interruptions, or some other series of events that would make my internal-self move off into other realms. Today was not like that. The time from morning till night went quite nicely. While there were many things on the to do list, the day did not stand out as anything out of the norm. Yet, on the way home my thoughts went to places that I cannot explain. I am curious whether these are normal inclinations or am I just weird (okay – to my “friends” I know I just opened a door with that one).

I love where we live. We are up in the mountains. While the area is a wonderful place to be, imagine Mayberry being placed in Los Angeles. It is not this that makes it a place to go after work. I am not sure how, but somehow the stress of work cannot make it up the hill. As soon as I turn the corner with the incline ahead of me, I can feel the pressures melt away. Tonight, the same happened, but once my head was clear of work it happened. What will happen when I am gone?

Yes. I started thinking of my own death. I can guess that the fact that I am 50 may have something to do with it, but that is a weak excuse. I am not ill. I have no health issues. I am fine. Yet there it was bouncing around in my head. The fact is I did not just think about death; I looked at it from every angle. I went all the way from the actual event to how life continued without me. The more I tried to stop it; the more it happened.

From what I can remember it was a peaceful end. I watched as people I know dealt with it. I saw what I always knew – my wife is strong. I felt the pain for both my wife and child as they had to deal with loss. I saw that they moved forward together. I watched the world move on. Internally I felt sad and also peace. This was a weird trip home.

I could not help but think about the trip as I sat and had dinner. What the heck was going on? I thought, did I have something for lunch that was giving me these thoughts (I don’t know, they always ask what you had for dinner when you have strange dreams). Was I receiving a message about life that I was supposed to figure out? Do I worry about my family history subconsciously?

An explanation started to take shape in my head. Actually many reasons came across to me. Part of me thinks that I was being reminded of the fact that nobody is that important to think that the world ends with them. My visions showed me how everybody continued. Yes, there were sad points, but in the end life went on. I believe that sometimes we get so wrapped up in what is happening in our world that we start to believe that everything does revolve around us. My little internal movie showed me that I am just a little piece, a very little piece, of the world. I help to make everything else move. When I am gone, someone else will take my spot. There is no person that is the center of the world.

I also took time to see if anything I have done in my life made a mark. Like so many others, I would like to think that I will do something that will be remembered long after I am gone. I write. Inside, I would like to think that somewhere is that novel that will make a difference for others. I imagine that I can leave a story that will be read by others for years and help people understand life or one part of it more. I hope that I will help others see something within themselves so that they strive to make a difference. I could not see anything that proves that that will happen. What I did see is that our daughter turned into a compassionate young lady that helps others in many ways. My mark, my way of improving this world, is her.

Finally, and this struck me most of all, I saw the love shared by my wife and I. I saw the goodness in the world. I saw that we are not as badly off as so many think. Even though we were separated, I could still feel the passion for the woman I love and her love was returned. The emotion was strong. The best part was that this was not isolated to just us. I saw how much people in the world wanted peace. I felt hope for the world.

I ended my evening with a smile. I thought my drive had delivered some sad news or a message of despair. Instead, I end with hope, faith, love, and courage. I think that all of the media coverage on the bad in the world started to take its toll. I was seeing, hearing, and feeling negativity. My brain took those negative emotions and flipped them. I go to sleep tonight knowing that there is many good things ahead. I am not worried about the end. I look forward to the world ahead and the future.

Thank you for meandering with me today.

Posted in death, dreams, Fright | Tagged , , | 2 Comments