9 Years and Counting

I spent some time looking at statistics. Everything that we do in life can be broken down into numbers. Depending on the information you want, those numbers can be manipulated to be anything that the author desires. In this particular instance, I looked at numbers dealing with marriages and divorces. I was curious since tomorrow, January 20th, my wife and I will be celebrating nine years since saying our “I dos.”

According to some of the reports, we are beating the odds though we need to get one more year. One report states that only we have a 1 in 15 chance of going more than 10 years. I have a hard time with this one. Another states that only 10% of the population is divorced. That one gives me hope. It also stated that the median duration of first marriages is 7.8 – YES! We win.

In the end, statistics are no more than a group of digits that people have put together to prove or disprove a point. To the normal human, they do not matter. What does matter is that you find the right person, whether first, second, or third try, and then you put your time and effort into making it work.

I am very fortunate. I found my soul mate on the first try. Although it took us both 40 years to find each other. In the end, I hope that our struggle to find the right person will be a life lesson for our daughter. There is no reason to settle for someone just to get married, just to not be alone.

There are a number of reasons that my wife and I will be together for a long time to come. Each one of them is something that we will pass on to our little one.

We each liked who we were and could stand to be alone with ourselves. We weren’t desperate to get married. Heck, I think we both had resigned ourselves to the fact that we would never get married. I think our families had done the same. This lack of searching is something that brought us together. More importantly, we were okay with this possibility. We both were people that we liked and didn’t mind being with.

Since being together, we have found that we have many things in common. We have also found that we have many separate interests, and that is fine with us. Spending time on our personal interests is what helps us. It gives us the time apart. What is even nicer is that sometimes, we take part in those interests. It is fun going into her world. Yes, I have sat through Spark’s games. I thought I would just sit there, but darn if I don’t start getting mad at those refs.

We have/had great role models. My wife’s parents made it to 57 years just missing 58 by a few months. They made it through great years, they made it through tough years – they made it together and set the example. Her brothers have also made it through marriage milestones as well. My parents made it 19 years at which time my father passed. I grew up with parents that also had a roller coaster, but they never gave up on each other. Both of us have a large number of friends who have passed 20, 30 and 40 years. Our friends set the bar high, and we are up to the challenge. We thank them for being such great examples.

We also communicate. This may have something to do with the fact that we were both in our 40s when we wed. By that time, you are too tired to argue over piddly things. We take the time to talk to each other before we get to the point that we want to reach out and smack a head or two. Our age also helped because we know what compromise is.

I think the main thing is that we never go to sleep, part in the morning, or go about our day without professing our love for each other – and we say it in front of others without worry. Even when we are separated due to travel, we make sure that we say those words every night and every morning.

We are only hitting number nine. It feels like we are decades in – in a good way. We know that we have to work at it each and every day. But I can honestly say that I would not want to work with anybody else. I asked her when I proposed to her to be, “My Best Friend, My Partner, My Wife.” She has been that and so much more. I spent 40+ years feeling that it is okay to be alone. Now I cannot imagine a day without her.

I thank God every day for bringing her into my life. I didn’t need her to complete my life, but boy has my life expanded due to her.

Thank you my love for saying yes. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being my soul mate.

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5 Responses to 9 Years and Counting

  1. Nancy says:

    Back at you my love. I don’t have your gift of words, so let’s just leave it to what I was thinking 10.5 years ago when you asked me. “Finally, whoo hoo!, let’s get this wedding done! Can’t believe it took so long, but better late than never. Gotta trust God!
    Love you forever!

  2. Brad Frank says:

    Congratulations to both of you. Carol and I are pushing on 35 years in a few days. Whooda thunk it? As I tell everyone we agreed early on that I would make all the major decisions and she would make all the minor ones and thank God that in almost 35 years there has never been a major decision. As they sat at USC, fight on!

  3. Carol Flesher says:

    Well said, as always. Having celebrated 40 years last June, people have asked us what our recipe for happiness is. You listed many of the things I would answer. I usually add, “realistic expectations.” Movies and literature paint rosy pictures of romance without the day-to-day compromises and the frustrations of modern life. Even if we are lucky to have found the loves of our lives, none of us is perfect, and sometimes life is less enchantment and more cleaning out the garage. Being lovingly comfortable with each other and maintaining a sense of humor are as important as the misty-eyed moments.

    • Bob Martin says:

      Carol,

      Bravo. Your words are spot on. I wish there was a way to make couples sit with older couples before walking down the aisle. Well love is a beautiful thing, marriages need much more than that to survive.

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