I find it funny that as I grow older, I can hear some of the phrases my elders used to say to me coming out of my own mouth. Some of the thoughts are less serious than others, and some, I am not sure if it fits just what they meant when they said it to me. The adage that came to me recently is that you never appreciate something until it is gone.
For the life of me, I cannot remember who used this sagely advice when speaking to me. It could have been my Dad, Mom, Nana, or Aunt. It definitely was one those four, or, quite possibly, all four. I think it came out of each of them at least once.
I am happy to report that when these words came to me this morning, they did not go from me to our daughter. As a matter of fact, it was during one of those all too often occurrences when I am speaking to me, myself, and I. I am also ecstatic in reporting that the words are not due to death or the loss of something important to me. I spoke the words due to the lack of two events that I often, in the past, complained kept repeating. I used to question when they would stop. Now that they appear to have ceased, I kind of miss them.
The first item deals with our daughter. Ever since she was a baby, I am the one that would normally get up with her in the middle of the night. This was the agreement made with my wife since I could – A. fall back asleep quickly, and B sleep anywhere. My wife handled issues during the day. We also made it a point that, once she was walking, if she came to us during the night, we would walk her back to her own bed. At first I would sit with her back in her room until she fell back asleep. I would then crawl back to our room and put my head back on to my own pillow. Once she had a “Big Girl’s” bed, life became easier. Her bed has a trundle. I would walk her back to her room, pull out the trundle and fall back to sleep.
Being part of education, I received advice from all sorts of people. Other teachers, school psychologists, nurses, and friends would all offer thoughts on this process. Most people would say don’t worry about it, it is a phase that will go away. Our daughter is now eight, and while this is far from a nightly event, it did happen enough to make me wonder how she would handle college.
Then this morning, it dawned on me. It has been almost two weeks with no nightly visitation. I am not sure if she gets up at all during the night. While I am a light sleeper, I have not heard or seen any indication that she is. If she is, she has been going back to sleep on her own. I realized this morning that my forehead has received not a single smack in nearly a fortnight. No bad dreams, no needing a drink, no “I just woke ups” – nothing. This is a good thing for I feel as if she is getting a better rest. I wish that we could state that we figured out the secret, but alas we had nothing to do with this.
Then I stopped and thought. It hasn’t happened in nearly two weeks. She may, quite possibly, be over her night visits. She is growing up and able to handle things that used to scare her on her own. There is one more thing on the list of things she doesn’t of which she doesn’t need me. The list is getting longer. Mind you, I like the night’s rest, but just the same…….
This brings me to the second loss – our cat. No, no, no, she didn’t pass or run away. She is fine. However, as in most homes, our daughter wanted a cat. I, while not thrilled, was okay with this. She needed a pet. She needed something that would stay with her, a furry friend. Of course this meant that the animal decided to hang with me – especially at night. This cat likes to be under the comforter. However, she only likes to be there for short spans of time. This cat will tap me on the shoulder during the middle of the night for me to raise the blanket. She crawls under and sleeps at my feet just like a dog. She also plays fetch. I really believe that it got to the point that I didn’t even wake up. She would tap and my arm automatically responded. She would stay for a while and then crawl out. This would be repeated many times a night.
Again, this morning I stopped and realized that I haven’t been tapped on the shoulder for a couple of weeks as well. It appears a chair stopped the tapping. When we took the Christmas decorations down, we put my Ikea chair in the living room. I am not sure if it is the chair, or possibly that the chair has my scent or what, but I noticed of late when I get up that she is asleep in that chair. No more bedroom visits. No more gentle taps. Our cat like our daughter had outgrown needing me in the middle of the night.
Now mind you, it is a nice feeling being able to wake to an alarm and not a smack to the head or tap on the shoulder. However, I now realize that you never appreciate something until it is gone. I used to complain about both reasons for waking during the middle of the night. Only now do I realize that in a way, I liked them because either a person or animal, in some small way, needed me. Now they don’t. I now appreciate their nightly visits. I miss them.
I will also be the first to accept that by writing this, I may be jinxing myself. In a way…… I think I would be okay with the rare tap or smack. I just don’t want them to grow up too fast.