Is It Bullying?

As a person who works in education, I am very aware of bullying and how much it can damage a person especially a young person just learning who he/she is. Bullying is not limited to kids – adults can do it as well. Hollywood loves to make films showing how a bully in his/her teen remains one as an adult. I will say it is nice to see how much more aware people are of this problem today than when I was a kid. My only concern is that this term may now be overused and misused. I fear that we are getting to the point that anything negative or honest is construed to be bullying.

Less than a month ago, I started writing again. While I dream that writing could be my full-time job – that will happen when Ellen reads my blog and then asks me on her show – I know that for the most part it will be a blog that finds a niche. I write because it is an outlet for me. I post in hopes that possibly my writing may lift another person’s spirits.

I knew going into this endeavor that I would not please everybody, and it is impossible to have every reader agree with what you write. Yet, I decided to start writing just the same. My teachers, parents, and other adults told me on many occasions that this is the way life is. For a self-diagnosed “people-pleaser” this is heard, understood, but almost impossible to accept. Even with this having been beaten into my head I have attempted both acting and writing – quite possibly the two most publicly criticized fields.

There is no job, today, that is not open to comments and criticism. Social media has made this even more possible with anyone with a Facebook account able to write about their good or bad experience at the store, in a restaurant, or on the street. Article after article speaks about how the anonymity of the internet increases the feeling of safety while making negative comments. People write how we have become a society of bullies due to the internet. Is this true?

The internet has also given the chance for something small to take off. People write blogs and once in a while, one entry may take off. It hits a chord with people and they start sharing it. What was originally written with hopes of reaching large numbers but expecting to only be read by a few, can surprise people. It reminds me of the old shampoo commercial. She told two friends and they told two friends and so on. The internet can be a double-edged sword.

I experienced both sides of the internet this weekend. I wrote a little piece about growing up in a small town. I even attempted to address those that grew up in this little town, but longed for better things. So far, my postings, at best, hit 176 readers. As of this writing, that post is just shy of 2000 readers. Small compared to the number of internet users – large for me. In the end, it also received some negative comments.

I started falling into the trap of looking at this for more than what it was – somebody didn’t agree with me. My thoughts started wondering why somebody had to post at all if they didn’t like it. My feelings were hurt.

I drank my coffee and let this sink in. Fortunately, I think the caffeine helped me put my big boy panties on and remember that I am an adult – deal with it. I remembered the fact that I was thrilled with all the comments I saw yesterday. Of course I was – they were nice comments and they agreed with me. I had to question my inner self on why I was willing to accept those comments alone. Well, because I have an ego and it likes to be pumped. I went back and looked at the comments. They were not personal attacks – though one person telling me to bite them was a little weird – they were people expressing their lack of agreement. I responded to each telling them no offense meant and I understand their point. I didn’t apologize, but I accepted.

This experience, however, made me look at where we have traveled as a society, and what we are teaching our children. I worry that we are too much towards the world of The Giver. A world where emotions are gone. You say nothing to upset another. The world is without color. One should be able to express him/herself without being labeled a bully or told they are picking on people.

When working with our daughter or other children, I often hear so-and-so is being a bully. I ask for an explanation of how the other person is being a bully. More times than not, there is no name calling, there is no picking on, there is a person making a statement. It could be a simple, I do not like that dress. I don’t want to play with you right now. The other person being upset and wanting to be left alone.

I do not want to make light of bullying. I have seen it in my classroom, and stopped it when I did. I have heard adults picking on colleagues. It is serious and should be handled. My worries are that we are just calling anything that might hurt another person’s feelings, bullying. While we do need to stop bullying, I believe at the same time we need to remind our younger people that not everybody is going to like you or get along with you every second of every minute of every day.

Soon we will tackle everyone getting a trophy.