Tonight we will walk down the road that every father of a daughter fears or at the very least does not look forward to.
Our daughter had her annual physical today. I am happy to report that everything turned out to be perfectly normal. She is growing up quite nicely. The doctor was quite pleased. We sat and chatted about a number of different aspects that would and do make up the life of a young person. The questions came –
How much milk does you drink? Do you know your phone numbers and address? Do you like school? What do you do for fun? What books do you like?
I sat and listened intently to the answers. I already knew what they would be, but there was something fun in hearing my daughter have to tell another person about herself. She smiled. She liked being asked the questions as if it was a grown-up to grown-up conversation. I stayed out of the talk unless she looked to me for assistance with an answer. This was so different then years past where either my wife or I answered all the questions. Then the doctor looked at me –
“She is getting older now.” I nodded. “Somebody will soon have to talk to her about….” She glanced at our daughter and lowered her voice, “you know.” She indicated to her own body.
Before I could even think, the words “that’s my wife’s job” came blurting out. The doctor agreed but said she did not indicate mom so as not to insult me and dads. I appreciated that. Wow. She gave credit to dads. That’s pretty cool. Wait a minute!!!
My mind jumped back to what she just said. She explained that while nothing is happening yet, it is better to start the conversations now. Some of her friends may be maturing faster than her. Friends can be talking about things but not have correct information. It is always better that our daughter hears it from us first.
She went on to describe a story involving her son when he was younger. He had a conversation with a 12 year old. Being the son of a doctor, he knew all the correct terms and way things worked. The 12 year old did not. It turned out to be embarrassing for all involved. I guess this was supposed to make me feel better about the fact that she just told me to HAVE THE TALK!!!!
I will leave this task with my wife. I believe just as it is a rite of passage for fathers to sit with their sons, mothers should be given the chance to bond with their daughters. I am honest when I say that I am also staying out of this because…….. well just because.
I know that the conversation does not have to go deep into the whole subject – just an introduction now. However, the fact that a doctor mentioned it sent other images speeding through my head. I could hear my wife saying that she had the talk. The next flash was my answering the door to a skinny, short kid with a corsage for a dance. The kid disappeared and there stood a teen. I think one side of his head was shaved. Behind this young man, a car stood running with rap music blaring from the speakers. My daughter started to run by me and slowed. I started walking with her and the next thing I knew I was in a tux and she in a bridal gown. When we reached the end of the aisle, she turned and handed me a grandchild – we stood in her living room. Her husband stood next to her.
The doctor said something and I snapped back to present day. “No. No offense. I will talk to my wife and let her know.”
We finished off the appointment with niceties. We said our good-byes. The doctor headed off to the next room. Our daughter and I headed for the door. As we left the office, she reached up and took my hand. It seemed so small all of a sudden. I squeezed and wondered how much longer that hand would take mine as we walked across a street. How many more times would I be asked to pick her up? What small number of times are left where she will come to me in fear of the dark? In a year, will I be able to carry the sleeping child to bed? How far down the road until she would rather talk with her friends than her mother and I? What limited number of years until she brings home a boy.
I shook my head and removed all of these thoughts. I looked down and just enjoyed the walk we were having.
These are the joys and fears of a father. Thank you for meandering through a dad’s thoughts tonight.