I believe that people who write for an outlet are a strange group of people. We run scenarios of all types through our head for any event possible. The scenes go from hilarious to sad to frightening to happy. We also tend to not let things leave our head until they reach paper or keyboard. I write tonight to let go of these thoughts. This meander is going to take us down a strange path.
Before I get into the topic, these are just thoughts and questions. I have not ruined our daughter’s dreams, hopes, or ambitions. I will not wake her up tomorrow and tell her that Santa is not real (ooops. Spoiler alert about Santa). I will let her be a child, but at what cost?
This morning, our little one told me that her class is doing a biography project. Her teacher offered the class twelve people, each person had to pick one, from which to select. She chose Helen Keller. She was quite proud of two facts: 1 – she was the only one to pick Ms. Keller. 2- She had already read the book provided by her teachers. Facts started flowing about this wonderful person’s life. My mind started playing The Miracle Worker in my head. I could see Patty Duke in quite possibly her best role ever. Our daughter referred to her notes to ensure that all facts had been stated accurately. This would be a good project for her.
In the car, on the way to school, our little researcher reread her book. She read aloud so I could hear all of the details. What an amazing life this woman left. What an inspiration to young and old alike. How could one complain about life knowing what this person went through? Then I heard something that stuck with me. The book, Helen Keller: An Inspiring Life, quoted Ms. Keller as saying, “We can do anything we want to do if we stick to it long enough.” What a great quote. These words matched what I told our daughter all of the time. Then it hit me – these words may be true for some, but many will not find their truth.
That thought, that one little pebble of an idea started an avalanche that lasted the day. We look at our children each and every day and demand that they be truthful to us as parents. We accepts their stories and tales, but when push comes to shove, we want the truth. Yet, we are anything but back at them. We pump them up that they can be anything as long as they work hard and persevere. I, like Helen Keller, tell our daughter, and told my students, that they world was an open book. They had the chance to write their story. We send them to bed at night dreaming of the life that will be.
Let’s face facts. Many people have dreams and work very, very hard to make them come true only to be disappointed. I live in Southern California – I see it all the time. I know this. I have tried a number of different paths. Still, I send our daughter off to school every day promising that by working hard she can obtain her dreams. She hears it from others – family, teachers, friends, and books on people who did succeed. Then it dawned on me that this is the same thoughts by almost everyone who succeeds. I guess it just wouldn’t sound the same to say, “Go honey. Work hard, persevere and you might have a chance to be what you want to be.”
Then I started thinking of other things we tell our children – Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, I will be around for a long time. The first three folklore, the last a promise that I do not know if I can keep. We tell our children all these things to make their life better. We want them to believe in fairies. We long for them to be children and not worry about the bad things in life. But they are lies.
I thought for sure that when our daughter was born eight years ago that I would have all of the answers. After all, I have been working with young people for thirty plus years. My friends all had older kids or grown children. I learned from them. I listened to their stories and took it all in. They shared the good, the bad, and the ugly with me. Like a good student, I heard and memorized. I studied for this test. However, now that I am in the middle of the test, I do not have the answers. I ask, but one person tells me to select C (the answer is always C), another says no it is B, and the last says “All of the above.” Their answers are not wrong – they are right for their situation, not mine.
I wondered all day if I am a hypocrite. I did not come to an answer. I explained the characters of myth as being a way to make childhood more enduring for her. I know that when the time comes, I will be able to use the explanations of so many people before me. She will accept them and probably not think about the fact that the things that made up her early years were not true.
That took me back to Helen Keller. How do you explain it if she works as hard as possible and does not succeed. How will I look at a dejected person, one to whom I promised success, and tell them that it doesn’t always come true. Some are luckier than others. How do I get her back up on her feet and get her to try again. How?
I will say that a conversation with a colleague did give me a little insight. It depends on what we consider success. We talked about Edison and his failures. However, even that as an example doesn’t work because he did succeed. We did talk about how failure can be success depending on what one gets out of it. Does it break you or make you work harder? These are great thoughts. I just hope that if I need to go there, it is understood.
This is odd. Most nights when I write I get answers to my own questions. Tonight, I am left with questions. I am left with concerns. I am left with worries about how what I teach her now will affect her later. Am I setting her up for success or failure? Will she forgive me if what I promise now doesn’t work?
I am a father. This worry will stay with me forever. I am sure that this will be such a trivial fear in years to come. Tonight, it looms over me. I will walk on alone now and worry.
Thank you for meandering with me.