Messages can come from the strangest places. I believe that the people who read my posts already are aware of this. I have had conversations with a number of friends, relatives, colleagues, and even those just met about how ideas and answers come to them at times when least expected. Think about your own life for a moment. How many times does a day happen where, due to a number of circumstances, a bell finally goes off in your head and you instantly know the answer to struggles that have been plaguing you for days, weeks, or even months? What makes it really interesting is from where the answers arise. It can be a deep conversation, meditation or prayer, research, or a cartoon. Yes – a cartoon.
Today, we took a break as a family and took our daughter to see the animated feature, Kung Fu Panda 3. I will admit from the start that I thought it was number 2 we were going to see. I didn’t know that that film had already occurred. I remember seeing number one, but what the heck happened to the second one. Once I had wrapped my mind around the fact that I had missed a film, I thought that I might not understand the story line for this one since I missed one-third of the story line. Yes, I actually think these things. So I settled in ready to take a nap. Then it happened – I received a life answer.
I am not going to give a synopsis of the film. If you are interested, it is a cute film and it has some nice messages hidden inside. My daughter instantly was able to discuss what she was able to understand to be the theme of the message. The other kids in the theater seemed to like it as well. My hope was that it would be enough to keep my interest and justify the cost of my ticket.
Now before I get into how a fat panda gave me answers, I want to discuss the question. I am fifty and many people might look at what I am about to share as a mid-life crisis. I have been searching to try to figure out who I am. In my 30+ years of working, I have held many different jobs. Some of my choices were, but not limited to, Door-to-door salesman, cook, waiter, printing press operator, water-bed salesman, member of the Air Force, actor, industrial parts salesman, teacher, technology administrator, and writer. My students used to chuckle at the number of jobs I have held. Perhaps I wrote a while ago defending the Millennials because I understand them. My goal has always been to find that job that not only can pay the bills, but also mean something. So all of these “careers” lead me to always question, who am I?
I think, like so many others, I try to label myself. I want to be able to say, I am a ……… fill in the blank. All too often when I meet somebody who knows nothing about me, whether it be at work or at a social function, and I am asked to talk about myself, I start with my job. I tell people what I do for 40 hours a week – 23.8% of my week, not even a quarter of my week. Yet, this is how I see myself and how I want others to see me. In the end, it is also what is behind the question of who am I. I want to think that I am not alone in this struggle. We hear about the current generation just entering the work world already fighting with this problem. But what about the rest of us? Don’t we all have this question? We are ignoring the other 76.2% of who we are
So this takes me back to the panda. At one point in the film, the main character finally asks who am I. He starts to list all of the different people he is. The bear finally realizes that he is all of those things. He is the sum of all of who he is. I sat up in my chair. This was not a new concept for me. I have heard these comments before, not once but many, many times. Not only had I heard this, I taught it. I used to try to help my students see that they are not just the person in my classroom. They are a brother or sister, son or daughter, friend, even nemesis. I tried to teach them to not put a single label on who they are, and yet for so long, I have done just that. I wanted to walk around with a sign hanging from my neck saying …… Now here I sit and let this animation flip by cell by cell and the answer finally sinks in.
Due to my wanting to be able to have a single sign, life has been difficult of late. Internally, I have tried to stand on the outside and look in. I didn’t like what I saw because I only saw who I was from 7:30 – 5. I want to be more. I want to make a mark. I want to change the world.
So this silly little animation threw out a cliché at me, and it stuck. I spent the rest of the movie thinking what are my parts? What makes me whole? The funny thing is the job came far down the list. I started, because of a panda, to really take stock in who I am. I am a husband, a father, a son, and brother. I am a person of faith. I teach, not as a job, but out of love. I have done this for a while. I have watched students take off and fly. Even today, I try to teach in a way in which the student far out does the teacher – my students are not just in a classroom. I am a writer. I may not be famous, but I have a love for words and sharing them. I am friend to a number of people and a close friend to a few. I am a person who loves life. I love watching the world around me. I am an administrator.
I spent the rest of the day pondering what I heard. Thoughts came and went. I am starting, only starting, to understand that while one should work hard and do the best job possible, that it is not the job in which we want to be remembered when we are gone. Yes, I hope that in the end, people say that he worked hard and did well, but he really was such a great…. fill in the blank. I now get my focus has been wrong.
Now, if you work with me, please don’t take this as a notice that I am quitting my job and going to leave on a journey of searching. Let’s be honest, we all need to work. I am not selfish enough to stop working and putting all of the responsibility on my wife. I love her too much to do such a thing. However, it does mean that I will be making sure that I am focusing my life on the right areas. I will be righting down a list of who I am and keeping it with me. I will notice those items at the top. I will give all of my energy to my position that pays the bills while I am working. After all, I am trusted to do a job and I will honor that trust. But I will make sure my priorities are correct. In the end, I still want to change the world. I want to make a mark. I want to introduce myself and say, Who am I? While let me tell you all the parts that make up me.
So I ask that if you have gotten to this point to share. Who are you? Has this been a struggle for you, and, if so, how did you change? What are the parts that make-up you?
Thank you for meandering with me.