That Annoying Comfort Zone

Think outside the box. Move outside of your comfort zone. Try new things. These statements are thrown at us so many times. Young people hear them from parents, teachers, mentors, and peers. Adults are not only told these statements, they often read articles, books, and, yes, blogs that deal with these subjects. I, for one, have lost count of the number of times I have had this message provided to me. Sometimes it was hidden within a song or film, sometimes it felt as if the message was slapping me in the face. Now bear with me here since, yes, I will be talking about these subjects but hopefully in a different way.

The subject came up today as we tried to convince our daughter to take a hike. We are up in the mountains and the weather is perfect for hitting a trail. We had hoped for sledding but strapping on the boots and hitting the mud was the call of the day. We talked about it, but our daughter did not share our enthusiasm. While we have tried very hard to bring her up properly, we have slipped when it comes to outdoor activities. She loves to dance, run, swing, and such but hikes are not up there for her. So we talked to her about getting out of her comfort zone. We talked excitedly about how great a hike would be and the views would be awesome. She finally relented. I do not think I know anyone who could have taken longer to get ready.

We headed out for the Bertha Peak trail. It is high up, but an easy trail. Off we went for our adventure. It ended up that we drove high up into the mountains and into the snow. It was awesome (yes, I know my friends in the east may not agree). We were on a one-lane road deep in snow and ice. While the views were breathtaking, the ride was the adventure. We were slipping and sliding, we were hitting ruts. Our little one was in the back hanging on and laughing. When we finally decided to turn around, she begged to continue. She did get a little startled when we slid off the road and very close to a tree. Thanks to growing up in snow, we missed it. We made our back down onto the main road and over to another hiking trail. We spent the next hour making our way through mud, puddles, ice, snow, and, our daughter’s word, mudquick (sort of quicksand). She chattered the whole time. We all laughed, talked, and smiled the whole way. We reminded our daughter that if she hadn’t left her comfort zone, this day would not have happened. She wants to hike again tomorrow.

All of this talk about moving outside of our comfort zone and thinking outside of the box made me look inwards. I think I good number of my posts have been about just this. My getting fit, my looking at my life, my thoughts on working with people all deal with getting out of my box. My question for myself is when did I lock that box? I used to go outside of my box quite often. Perhaps it isn’t locked. Maybe the walls just get thicker and harder to burst through as we get older.

I will admit that, according to my oldest brother, as a young person I was the stick in the mud. The one with a stick up his a*&. What he didn’t know is that when I was outside of the realm of my home area, I was able and willing to try new things. Yes, even things that I will never share with our child. That would have to do with a weekend in Mexico my first weekend stationed in Texas. For that one, I not only left the box, it was broken beyond repair. I had to buy a new box. And I was the sane person that weekend.

I look back and remember so many times when I did followed the advice, and I cannot think of a single time that I am sorry that I did it. Not every time turned to be an amazing event, but I learned from each and every time. I can share a couple of them.

The one that always comes to mind is the day a number of us were bored and decided to jump out of an airplane. We didn’t do tandem; we jumped. I always tried to play things safe. I worried about doing things that just weren’t safe to do and avoided them. One night, on a whim, friends said let’s go jump tomorrow. Before I could think, the box opened and I stepped out. We went to the school and did our ground training. We checked our packs, and took the long walk out to the plane. During the time that it took us to ascend to 4000 feet, I kept remembering the training that once you were hanging on the wing, you could not come in. The pilot was instructed to wiggle the plane until you let go if you made a move to come back in. The jump master looked at me and motioned to the door. This was a little plane, so I crawled to the door and reached out to the strut on the wing and dangled. I watched the jump master. His thumb went up and my hands let go – oh yeah, we had a static line which automatically deployed our shoots. Just the same, I let go. It was not until I saw the video later that I realized that instead of going into the spread eagle form, I started running after the place. That’s right. At 4000 feet, I thought I could run and catch up with a plane – nope doesn’t happen that way. However, once I was under my canopy, I experienced a life changing moment. I hung there slowly descending. I have never experienced a lack of sound before or since, but up there you have no sound. I spoke just to know I hadn’t gone deaf. I went out of my box and would do that again.

I think the biggest step I ever took out of my comfort zone was coming to California. I spoke of doing it since I was a child in single digits. I was going to be an actor. Every time I thought I was ready to do it, an event would happen in my life that would stop me. They were legitimate excuses or so I thought. I finally came to the end of my first half of Air Force life. At ten years, one has to make a decision stay in for the full twenty or jump. I jumped. I called everyone and told them. None of my bosses tried to convince me to stay. They told me that they knew my plans and dreams and were not going to stand in the way. I always wondered what would have happened had they even tried. My family told me that it was about time. I had voiced my plans and could find nothing to stop them. I had put myself into a position that I had to do it.

I left everybody behind and drove from Niagara Falls to Burbank. I knew no one. I had no idea how to go about getting into acting. I had six months left in the service, but once that ended – no pay check. I left my zone, I was terrified. I arrived out here and started doing all the steps that the books and websites suggested. I started in background. I met cool people such as Sally Fields, Dee Wallace, and the cast of ER. I earned my union card and started getting bit parts and a couple of national commercials. Then it happened. Just as things were starting to work, the company that I worked at to pay the bills switched my hours and told me that I could not have time for auditions or shoots. The universe gave me an option to not only stepped out of my comfort zone, but leave it forever. I stepped back in.

I need to state though that even though this experience outside of the zone did not succeed, I would not change it. I guess in a way it was a success. It all depends on how you describe success.

There has been times since then when I have left my zone, but they are less and less. I find it harder to do it. The walls have gotten thicker. Today gave me an opportunity to do something I normally would not. I found a chink in the wall. I can see opportunities ahead in my life to chink away more and more. I know more than anything the one thing I would like to do to dismiss the zone. I am not there. Perhaps if I keep chinking away, I will find the hole.

What about you? Are you stuck in your zone? When is the last time you left your comfort zone? Go ahead and share your experiences.

Thank you for meandering with me today.