This is the second post that I am writing tonight. The first one I have kept for my own reading later, but, frankly, it scared me. Then it made me feel better about myself and so many other people I know. I realized that I know a ton of good people, people who could go to “the dark side” each and every day but don’t. We all have stress in our lives some more than others. I see it while out and about, and I see it when colleagues are working with the people they serve. Yet, through it all, these people and so many others in the world suck it up and move on. So…how did I scare myself?
Today was one of those days, and fortunately they are few, where every time you turned around there was somebody looking for shortcuts, being rude, not taking responsibility, or just be annoying. We all deal with this each and every day, but some days seem to have more than a fair share of these people. You grit your teeth, you bite your tongue, but what else are you going to do?
Being a person who writes is a double-edged sword. It is a great release at the end of a day of stress. You go to another place and allow your mind to relax and de-stress. Writing allows me to experience realms that the physical body cannot. It is fun. It can also be scary. When I am standing in line, or sitting waiting for some reason or another, my mind runs through all sorts of scenarios. I worry about whether I am going to get one of those bad phone calls. I think of how I would react if I was fired. I imagine accepting a Pulitzer for my next novel. And then…… I think of what I could do to people who slight me…. I mean I start working on my next Murder Mystery.
My original post was actually a list of things that I have plotted out. Although after rereading it, I was afraid that somebody might not see the humor, or, worse, somebody might call the authorities on me. So I saved it for myself as notes for the next book. I will share a small sampling.
I have dreamt of having a device in my car like in the bat mobile where I could lay down oil once I got ahead of some of the people who feel the need to race and cut me off just to get ahead by one car length. I have also imagined having a large fly swatter rigged in my engine to smush and push those people who get in the left lane and go ten miles under the speed limit. Finally, car wise, I want tire pokers for those people who come up in the straight lane and then try to sneak into the turn lane at the last moment or those who see the big blinking arrows blocks away but still wait for the last moment to merge.
For the gentleman who decided he didn’t need a number at the optical department, I had other plans. He chose to wait for a series of numbers to be called without takers, a lot of people give up waiting and leave before being called, and waved his hand. Since the clerk didn’t ask for a ticket, he got away with it. The simplest plan was to wait until he was handed his new glasses then, as he turned to leave, bump him just right so that the glasses would going flying underneath the cart being driven by the young teen at 100 miles per hour. That was a lot nicer than my first plan which would have been to put poison in his saline solution.
The last one today happened was planned for the person who could not wait a second. I had called for the elevator and even stepped aside to allow this woman to enter. As I was about to step in, a person stopped me with a call out. I answered and went to step on the elevator only to have the door closing. The woman stood there not even reaching for the door button. As the door clicked shut, my brain immediately took me to the electrical room with the main circuit breaker was for the elevator. I went there and when it was between floors, I stopped it. Not only did I switch off the breaker, I broke it.
See – I scared myself. I think I am normally a calm rationale person. How could I go there even in thought? I tell you it is because I write. I am constantly coming up with ideas for stories. It is worse because the one book is a scary book and the one I am working on is a murder mystery. Writers allow themselves, in thought, to go places that they would never go in reality.
Now I started by saying that after being scared, I felt better. Instead of dwelling on all the people I dealt with today, I started thinking about the people I know, the people I work with, and the people I deal with on a daily basis. The people who like most of the world do not act on all of the thoughts they have about jumping across a desk and strangling others. You see those memes all the time that state how lucky people are that they did not end up in jail for acting on their thoughts. I felt better after writing tonight.
I felt hope for the world that the majority of the world can live and put up with each other. We may all hold those thoughts deep inside – I hope others have those thoughts and I am not crazy. It excites me the more I realize just how strong and resilient people are. So I will keep writing notes and stories as people push the right buttons. Who knows, one of those may become the next best seller. Others will continue to do whatever it is they do to not lose it.
Thank you readers. You helped me today. Thank you so much for meandering with me today.