I must say that I have enjoyed the last few nights as I have typed life lessons that my nana taught me. I really enjoy sharing her with you all. It seems that sharing these stories has been very medicinal for me as well. I lose my stress while letting you know what she taught me. I also think it has brought a peace to me as well as it brings me back to my basic way of thinking. I must say that I feel as if I have done a disservice to my parents. They also taught me many lessons, and as time goes on, I promise to share those as well. However, tonight will be a combination of Nana and our daughter. The older generation and the youngest generation – both have so much to give.
Nana taught me in the past, and my daughter continues to teach/remind me every day of the first lesson. No matter how big your problems are, there are other people suffering more. Neither ladies taught me this in words, but in actions. They both showed me that we just need to look around and see what else is happening in the world. You must have both your eyes and heart open in order to do this properly.
Nana spent the last years of her life going through the different stages of cancer. I can still remember standing in the kitchen when my mom shared the news with me. I didn’t know how to take it. While cancer is still an evil disease, in the 80’s I didn’t know many people who suffered the wrath of this life taker. Those I did know had either already passed or would shortly. The survival rate was nothing close to what we have today. In my mind, I had lost her right then and there.
The only thing was that somebody forgot to tell Nana the above facts. She did not give up, and, while suffering through many years, continued to fight until she could fight no more. She would come home to spend the time with us, and I would watch her continue as much of her normal life as the disease would allow. She would not let people feel sorry for her. I could see the pain at different times, but did not dare to talk about it. The hardest was her final Christmas with us. She could not do very much. She needed help to just get up off the couch. By this time, Nana had become dependent on others. One could look at her and think that her problems far outweighed anybody else at that point.
I can remember sitting one night talking to her. Mom worked the night shift and had left for work. The living room was lit by the Christmas lights. We sat there and talked a little – even this took a lot of energy. I do not remember who in the family we were talking about, but she worried for them. She thought that they were going through such a hard time. She was more concerned about the other family members getting through their problems. Nana did not look at her problems as being any bigger than the others. I couldn’t figure out then how she could worry about other people while she was so close to the end. I am learning now as I grow older.
Our daughter seems to be in a different place than I was at her age. While to an adult, the problems of a child may not be that big compared to what we deal with every day, a child does not see it that way. As a matter of fact, having been working with kids for 30+ years, I have seen so many children with problems that dwarf mine in every single way. Yet so many of these children, look at the problems of others and start worrying more about those people. They forget about their own problems. All too often, I will be driving to school with our daughter discussing a problem such as a child being mean or worrying about something in school when she sees a person on the street or someone in the car near us. All of a sudden her concerns are switched to whether the person has enough food or blankets, or if the other driver is sad.
Nana and our daughter, both through memories and daily occurrences, are constantly teaching me to leave my head. Worry about others. Try to help those that you can. Change the world. Our problems find a way to grow when we concentrate on them. Now I am not saying that people do not have problems. If that was the case, I would not have been sending off friends this morning to say good-bye to a loved one. I really write this tonight to remind myself in years to come when I am not so fortunate that even then there will be others suffering more than I ever will. I want to have the grace that Nana had to care about others more.
The second lesson comes from our daughter. We were talking tonight as I started to write. I told her I was writing about lessons. She informed me that the biggest lesson she could share is that you always need a buddy. A person to be there next to you when bad things happen. She told me that nobody should have to go through tough times alone. She described how her buddy swore to be by her side, and she plans to do the same.
I had to smile at this because I realize how much these two lessons go together for if you have that “buddy” then no problem cannot be faced. The buddy might not solve it for you, but he or she will sit with you while you go through whatever bad times you might have. As she was on the cusp of sleep, she asked me who my buddy was. I smiled as I patted her head and said, “Your mommy.” She smiled and drifted off to sleep. I smiled as I realized that I truly do have my buddy. She will keep me grounded at all times. She will always remind me that we can get through anything. She will remind me of the lessons of which I write tonight.
I am sorry if tonight was that light. Not all lessons bring laughs, but they do bring a smile as I look back on those that took the time and cared enough to take the time to teach me.
Thank you for meandering with me tonight.