Pure Love as Taught by a Mom

I started writing one post tonight on lessons learned with my military family. While typing away with some funny stories, my computer chimed. Somebody I follow had posted to Facebook. Being the self-diagnosed ADD adult that I am, squirrel, I immediately had to check. My niece had posted pictures as she and my mom end their trip to Hawaii. The pictures included a flight they took on a helicopter. They flew around the Big Island to get an aerial view. The pictures are amazing. I moved from one to the next, but had to stop on one. I looked at my mom. The theme of this tonight’s post changed.

The picture shows my mom smiling. I saw my mom happy. I felt more than happiness. I cannot describe the emotions that flowed through my soul tonight. I saw my mom like I haven’t seen her in a while. I believe I saw peace in her face. I saw what I have not seen for a long time.

I have mentioned that my father passed quite a while ago – June 1980. On the day he passed, my mother became a single mom to four, almost grown, boys. She took on a role that so many others have had to do before that day, and so many more since. We were not young children. We were all in our teens, and my oldest brother was about to graduate from high school. I guess that was a blessing. Like so many others, she took on the role. However, just because others have done it doesn’t make it any easier for anybody entering into this type of life.

From that day forward, my mom has taught me that you must continue. She could easily have given up. As a mid-teen, I watched her as she planned and moved us through the funeral services. She went back to work. She made us all continue. I cannot say that I would be in the same place today had my father not passed, but I can say that I am who I am because of the support and love of this woman.

However, on that day she did not just lose a husband – she lost her love. On a number of occasions I have asked her why she never bothered to date again. Why she never looked for another person with whom to share her life. At first, she always said she couldn’t because she had to take care of us. She had to get us into being adults. Then she stated that due to my brother having handicaps that she must always take care of him. Finally, finally, one day she shared. She told me that she could never love another the way that she loved my father. She quietly said that once you have found the perfect love, you can never find it again. She let me know that my father still filled so much of her heart that she had none to share with another.

Since my dad’s passing, I have seen my mom laugh. I have seen her smile and joke. I have seen happiness on the outside. But through it all, I have never seen true happiness. That, from what I can see in the photo, changed today.

This year my mom and niece have taken two trips. The first was to Europe. She wanted to see Poland, the land of her ancestors. She wanted to go back to London to revisit the places I had taken her a number of times when she had come to visit with me. This trip was the trip that she wanted to take. She visited two countries that had been on her list for years. She had ten days to enjoy sights that she chose. She took the trip that fulfilled a want for her. With the photos from that trip, I saw that she enjoyed herself. She walked the streets that her family had walked. She saw her home. While in England, the pictures showed happiness as she relived memories that she had created. This trip was all about her.

This week, the two travelers took off for Hawaii. My sister-in-law graciously played host and tour guide. They enjoyed five days in paradise. This trip was not like the Europe trip for this was the trip for my parents. When I was little, our parents always told us that they were going to go to Hawaii to celebrate their 25^th anniversary. We heard how they would go by themselves to celebrate their marriage. We knew that this was to be the big trip for them. My father passed less than a month after 19. The trip never happened until this week.

We may have purchased two airline tickets for this trip, but three people went. I can tell from conversations with mom that my dad was there as well. Her voice said more than her words would ever speak. I could tell that he was next to her every step she took while on the islands. I could tell that they were together this week. Seeing the photo, I could see it. The two of them were enjoying their time together.

So tonight, the lessons come from my mom – a beautiful woman. She taught me to continue on no matter what happens. She taught me not to feel sorry for myself. She taught me to love and to love complete. My mom taught me that love goes beyond the earthly bonds. Because of this woman, my wife knows that I will love her today, tomorrow, and forever. My mom taught me so much that I can never repay her for it. I learned how to find peace.

Thank you for meandering with me.