Do You Know Where You’re Going To?

“Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?” These two questions start off a song that came out originally in 1973 when I was 8 years-old and then again by Diana Ross two years later. Yesterday, while driving with our daughter the song came on the radio. Thinking it might be too mellow for a young person I went to change the station to a faster beat. She asked me to go back because she like that song. I wondered as we both listened to the music if this song would come back to her time and time again like it has for me. I then thought about how music affects us and changes as we do.

As a child, I can remember this song playing often on the radio – after all, it did reach the number 1 spot on the weekly top songs list. I would listen to the words and wonder. I can remember how sad it must be to reach adulthood and look back on life wondering whether or not you have done what you wanted to do. I worried what my life would be like once I became an adult. Would I constantly be looking back on my life asking myself do I like what my life has become? It probably didn’t help that a line near the end of the song even states:

Why must we wait so long

Before we’ll see

How sad the answers

To those questions can be

I can remember looking at my parents wondering if the life our family was actually not what they wanted. Did they have different dreams when they were growing up? Were their dreams that all they did was look back to find there were “no open doors”? I would sit in the car listening to this song looking at the back of my parents feeling sorry. I started looking at other adults as they would pass through my life wondering. Why? If so many people lost their dreams, why or what can keep them moving forward.

During my teens into my twenties, the song would continuously pop up on the radio – okay now it was on the oldies station. I had a little better of an understanding of the adults in my life. I could not claim that I totally understood their lives, but through conversations, I had gained some insight. I also started to understand this song a little more. My father may have been one of the best people to start explaining the lyrics. While we did not discuss this song specifically, we discussed life – his.

Through our talks, I learned that it is okay to find closed doors behind you for that is your past. You cannot go into your past. My dad made me understand that it is fine to look through the windows to see your memories, but to be able to go back through the doors of time. Those who keep going back through those doors can never move forward. He also gave me an understanding that the dreams and ambitions that one has as a young person changes. Our hopes for the future go based on what is now. We meet people, our responsibilities change, we lose people, we continue on, and with all of those our hopes and dreams change. My dad taught me that it is not a sign of failure to change your plans; it is a sign of maturing.

Like every other teen, I spent those years plotting and planning where my life was going to go. I can distinctly remember planning with one of my best friends how we were going to both be famous. He would gain fame through his trumpet playing and music he would write (He was going to be Chris Botti before Chris Botti was). I was going to be a famous actor. At one point, we both even designed our homes with music studios and home theaters. We mapped out how large our families would be and the fact that the two families would be together as friends forever. Later my dreams turned towards veterinary medicine, then teaching, then writing, and then….well the list has many entries. All in all, my dreams always included a loving wife and family.

During my thirties, while in England, I would continue to hear this song. It seemed as if this one song followed me as my life moved along. I know that other songs from my childhood still play on the radio, but this song haunted me. Perhaps it was the music, maybe the words, or a combination of those with my relationship that had grown with it. While I enjoyed that time of my life, I could not help but let those words sink in every time it played.

Now looking back at all we’ve planned

We let so many dreams

Just slip through our hands

I worried that I had indeed let those dreams slip through my hands. I saw a life where I would not see the prospect of a family. I grew and knew that my childhood fantasies would not take root. The weird thing about was that the only time I felt this sadness was when this song would play. The words would sink in and I would feel as if I let myself down. I felt as if times I was pounding on those doors behind me to try and open them once again. The only thing that made me feel better is to think back on the conversations with my dad.

As I grew, I started to understand this song (at least my version). It asks five times if you know where you’re going. I started to get the fact that it was asking that question because most people have no idea where they are going. Life doesn’t allow for most people to truly plot out their lives.

So now, I am older. I sit with our daughter and the song plays on the radio. I look back on my life and see that the dreams and fantasies have both come to fruition and not taken root. I actually did try acting, I am in education, and I write. More importantly, I do have a loving wife and child. We are a family. Yet, just the same, I do not know where I am going to, but I do like the things that life has shown me. Life showed me that I needed to get out of my own way. The lyrics are right, there are sad answers in life, but not all of the answers are sad. The song still haunts me as each time I hear it, I cannot help but stop and reflect.

Now, though, I hear our daughter in the back seat humming along to the song. Does she hear the words? Does she wonder where she is going to? What are her dreams and fantasies, and will life give her sad or happy answers? I don’t know. I do know that I cannot plan out her life. I will have to let her make her own plans, find love, find joy, find pain, find happiness, find sorrow, find life. I can only hope and pray that when she is my age that she can say yes. Yes, she knows where she is going, and Yes, she likes what life is showing her.

How about you? Do you know where you are going?

Thank you for meandering with me today.