Mourn or celebrate?

It feels odd as we finish off the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” to be writing about the effects of mourning. As I drive through my neighborhood, lights are still up, blow-ups are still full of air and waving, and, depending on the station, the odd Christmas song can still be heard. Love and joy are still in the air. You can still go to the supermarket and find customers being nice to each other. The eggnog has yet to wear off. So why go to such a sad subject?

In the last two weeks, I have read about or been notified of the deaths of two former military colleagues and one gentle soul from our church. There is an old saying that death comes in three. Once again, it has lived up to its reputation.

Death is odd. Every single day, you hear the news reporting a number of fatalities especially since I live in the Los Angeles area. I have the news on during breakfast and hear the reports in-between crunches of cereal. Some days the numbers are very high, others one or two. I take a moment and feel sadness for the families, and then the story changes to the next topic. I move on with my day. Death has been heard but it is not felt.

The odd thing is that when you hear of situations with large numbers of deaths the feelings are sometimes not felt since it is too much for the mind to wrap around. You sit in disbelief when you hear the number of fatalities from a tsunami, tornado, or war. It is hard to think of individuals when you hear those numbers.

But when Death decides to take people that you know – then it gets personal. You stop what you are doing. It is no longer news in passing, it affects you. The mixed emotions start. Do you mourn the loss of a friend or celebrate the life of the individual? Can you do both? If you are a person of faith, shouldn’t you have feelings of joy for the person? Death brings so many ingredients into the mix.

It is also interesting to examine your thoughts of those who have passed. The first of the three fell to a heart attack. He lived far away and it has been a long time since we last worked together. However, a sadness still filled me. I could not help but think of his family and the sadness; even more so considering the time of year. Keith’s services brought together a number of former colleagues, and I read each of their posts. They talked about Keith, but more about how we are all aging and how sad that it is something like this that needs to happen to bring everyone together.

Two days after Christmas, I read in shock of a second passing. This one was of another colleague who passed due to an accident at home after an illness. I could not help but stop and think that Julie should still be with us. She was too young to die – then again death does not judge based on age. Social media started filling up with how she was a bright light to the world. Comments came about how much Julie had done to make others feel better about themselves. Her young son put up a post about now living without a mother. Death cheated many people from knowing this beautiful person.

Today death once again surprised me with another passing. A dear friend, John Whittet, passed. John had lived a long and full life; he was just shy of 86. Some might consider his passing to be a fact of life at this age. However, while I am saddened by each; it is John’s passing that affected me the most. The world lost a gentle soul with is passing.

As I mentioned, though, death brings a mix of emotions. At first I had sadness fill my heart, but, oddly enough, joy, happiness, and celebration started to grow. It grew to the point that sadness had no choice but to leave.

My celebration and joy was not only for the life that John led in the time that I have known him, but I also celebrated the fact that I got to know him. I got to learn from John. John worked in many ministries within our parish. We sang together. He greeted people. He played sheriff at our fiesta. He worked hard to make our church welcoming. John also was the Safety Officer for our school. It was within this position that I truly got to meet and know John. Every morning he would stand at the gate and greet each and every student and family. He smiled. His smile was neither small nor a smirk. It was the biggest smile one could ever have, and it was genuine. He loved his job and it showed.

John also had stories. I am ashamed to admit that there were times that when I saw John, I would check my watch to see if I had time. Most mornings I did, some I did not. I am sorry for those mornings when responsibilities told me that I could not stop. I missed out on a great story each and every time I passed him by.

I think that this is part of why we mourn for people. We realize what we missed by the way we treated them. We understand that there is no longer a chance to rectify the wrongs. We immediately start to miss what was best about that person even when we did not understand it while we had them right in front of us. We see the good in them that we hope will one day be seen in us. That is what John was good. Good that the world still needs and now the rest of us must now carry on.

I celebrate John. I thank him for giving me the time of day even when I did not think I had it for him. I appreciate how he looked after my child and all the others at the school as if they were his own. I am joyful that he was part of my life.

So I hope that Death is done for now though I know tomorrow morning I will hear the news. I will hear more names. I will hope that those connected to those names will be able to, after a bit, celebrate the life that was.