Tonight as I went to put our daughter to bed, I ended up looking at my reflection in the window as I closed her curtains. This is not a normal step for getting her ready, but since we rearranged her room, I stood there looking at myself. After making a few scary faces and even turning the light off to make sure nobody was standing in the back yard, yes – I can scare myself, I stopped and took a good look at the man who stared back. It made me wonder. Am I the best person I can be? Or on an even simpler level, am I the best dad I can be?
Once I had her all tucked in and rearrange the big pile on her floor. I sat down in the chair in her room and listened as I could hear her falling off to sleep. The sounds of her breath started taking that slow, rhythmic sound of someone going between wake and sleep. Every once in a while a question would pop out, or I could hear her reach for her cat. The whole time, the question kept popping in to my head. Before people think I am writing this just to get compliments, don’t you, who are parents, ask yourselves the same question? Am I the best parent I can be?
The wondering and thinking made me go back to the only parent I can really use as a comparison, my dad. Yes, I could have said my mom, but there is definitely a difference between the two parents so I will stick with the same gender. Am I as good as my dad? Would he look at me and think, I raised this one right?
I am going to be very honest with you, my dad set the bar high. I know that many people will say that about their parents. But my father knew what it meant to be a dad and he did it well. I am not sure that I can ever live up to the standards he set. If I can make it at least half-way, then I know he will be smiling when we meet again. Now mind you, part of the reason the bar was so high is partially due to the place and time in which we were living. However, nature only had a small part in making this man the dad he was.
I also want it known that my dad was not a saint – nope. I think I could see the horns tipping the halo at times. He like to have fun, joke, encourage, teach, and most importantly he like to live. Just to prove his halo wasn’t always on straight, I can remember one evening when he pulled a fast one on my mom.
Our youth group, the Niagara Frontiersmen, had just finished our annual banquet. My dad called in to work, he worked midnights, and I believe – my brother can correct me – said he had car problems or something. Another adult even got on the phone and claimed to be the police office helping him. He then invited the instructors over to our house for a night cap. He walked into the house, looked at everyone and asked if they had a great night. When they replied in the affirmative, he said, “Great. Goodnight.” He then left my mom with a house full of people. I still hear about that night.
It is not just his pranks that I remember. I know how much he cared for my mom, my brothers, and me. My dad worked for the railroad. The first one I remember him being with was Lehigh Valley and then Conrail. He was a yardmaster. I used to love that dad would take me to work with him. I would sit high in the tower looking over the entire yard. My toy trains were big, loud, and ran on diesel. The fact that he took me to work was not the part that I remember. He was good at his job and had been offered a promotion. The promotion meant us moving to Pennsylvania. This would have been great for him and us. However, one of my older brothers is mentally handicapped. My dad and mom discussed the promotion. They turned it down. They knew that the services provided for my brother in WNY would not be the same in Pennsylvania. My parents put my brother before them. My dad turned down the promotion.
My dad did not only give up a promotion, he also gave up his time. When my brothers and I were young, he looked for some type of group or organization for us. After all, having four boys home all summer was enough to drive a mom up the wall. He looked for something but couldn’t find anything that he felt would work. So he decided to start his own youth group and not only have something for us but for so many more kids.
Dad was a member of the local volunteer fire company. Since he had had a heart attack, he was not an active member at the time of his search for a youth group. He was able to convince the firemen that they needed a Drum and Bugle Corp to march in front of them in all the local parades. They gave in and the Red Raiders were formed. Our town had its version of the band at the end of “A Music Man.” While he did not actually teach any of the instruments or marching, he taught the kids through his willingness to work hard for the group, his spend time with us, and his ability to just listen.
The group grew and we merged with two other corps to form the Frontiersmen. At certain times the group had more than 150 kids. We no longer were limited to parades. We now toured the North Eastern part of the country in the summer. We performed all over that area. During all the travels my mom and dad were right there. My dad ran the group and mom supported him.
I think the thing I remember most was my quiet times with him. I could sit and share my writing with my dad. I never felt as if he was just patronizing me. He listened to the stories. He asked questions. He made me want to get better with the writing. I remember working in the garage with him; the first time I had heard him call me his little Socrates. I remember being with him on the last night he was in our house. The night we called for an ambulance.
I look back and see a man who was a Dad. He worked hard for his family. He gave of himself to not only make his sons better people, but as many other young people as possible. So this takes me back to the beginning of this writing. I stood there staring at this man in the window. Was this man as good of a dad as the one who raised him?
I don’t have an answer for that question for the person is still a work in progress. I live in a different place and time than the man on the pedestal. I will not be able to answer the given question for a long time. I will work each and every day to live up to the expectations that were given to me. I may not make the same level, but I will be a Dad. I am thankful each and every day for the time I had with him. I hope that my daughter will feel the same.
Thank you for meandering with me tonight.