Single Child Syndrome (Part 2)

I have sat and read and reread the following post. These are the thoughts I dealt with today. I hesitate posting them because it may appear that I am uncaring about how so many are suffering. I guess some people might read this and think that it would be nice if these were the only problems that they had to worry about. But I also know a number of people with single children, and we have shared our thoughts about this subject. Plus, I write about what I know, so I am still going to post this because this is where my mind wandered today.

A while ago, I wrote about something I called the Single Child Syndrome. It dealt with our daughter having to learn to share friends and her parents. It is not that we have a brat or mean child. We have only one child. Due to this there are times where it becomes difficult for her to deal with more than one friend at a time. She does quiet well one-on-one, but when there is more than one, it can become difficult. I understand her since this is similar to what I go through as an introvert. I just have years of experience to help me get through it without having to walk off and sit on a stump – well sometimes.

Today though I am writing about a different issue with having an only child, and the fact that I was so wrong with my wishes as a child. This afternoon I felt, like I have had on a number of occasions, sad for our daughter. This feeling came as I once again realized that Mom and Dad cannot be her friends. Don’t get me wrong. I am normally okay with her understanding that there is a difference between friends and parents. I also get that I am writing about what people would call first world problems. However, as a parent there is a sense of longing when you realize that your child will be alone, as far as siblings go, forever.

There are times when being an only child can be a good thing. This morning, being Easter, we did our normal tradition. We attended the 7 a.m. Mass, and then went for breakfast. Since we don’t have multiple kids, we will sometimes break the rules and splurge. An ice cream sundae was ordered once the entire breakfast had disappeared. I thought about our parents trying to do that with my three brothers and me.  I already know that they would not have wanted to add four desserts to the bill.

By being an only child, she also gets to have our attention when she is talking. We don’t have to worry about what the child that is not in the room is doing (again speaking from experience from my house). We are able to do a little more when we go on vacation because we are only paying for one. We try very hard not to spoil her, but I am sure that we are slipping in some areas. So with these advantages, why would I feel sorry for her? She has everything.

I feel sorry for her because she is a solo child. There are many times when we are home that she wants to play, but we are working on school items. We try to convince her to read, play piano, or find a game to play on her own. This can happen only so often. Add to this the fact that we are older parents and sometimes, we just don’t have the energy that an 8 year-old possesses. We wear out quicker than her.

I also think of this when she gets in trouble. Being the youngest of four boys, it was easy to push off the blame on someone else. When something happens in our house, it is not that difficult to figure out who did it. She attempts to tell us that she didn’t do it, but when asked who did, you get a stare as she tries to answer that question. She has attempted to put the blame on the cat, but it is hard when we are talking about things like the fridge being left open.

This past week was difficult since we were on spring break. We went away so she was sans friend for the entire week. She did a great job hiking, helping out, and playing games, but I could tell that she was lonely at times. Again, we are her parents not her best friend. She wanted someone to talk with, giggle with, and play with.

Today was the hardest. After we came home, we did an Easter egg hunt in the backyard. She was cute as she roamed the yard looking for her eggs. It felt like something was missing. I looked later at my friends photos and could see their children racing to find the eggs before the others. For our daughter, that fun of doing with siblings was missing. Later, she waited out at the end of our drive for her friend across the street to come outside. She really wanted to play, and I watched her stand out there alone, waiting.

Again, I get it. Some people are going to ask what the real problem is here. So she has to learn to cope with being an only child and not having someone with whom to play. However, I watched this little person stand out there and I envisioned a young lady, and then a middle-aged adult. I don’t know how long my wife and I will last on this earth. Like every other child, there will come a time when she will lose us. Unlike many, she will not have a sibling to cling to, to hold, and to support. She will have to handle this on her own.

I know that our daughter is more fortunate than many. She is not wondering from where her next meal is coming. She is not about where she will sleep tonight. She is not having to hope that people are kind enough to give hand-outs in order for her to have clothes. She has the basic necessities of life covered and more. She doesn’t even complain. But I am her dad. I see this and it is a father’s prerogative to worry about his children, and I do.

I also stated at the start that I was sorry for my wishes as a child. As the youngest of four, I cannot tell you how many times that I wished that I could be an only child. We all fought for attention. There were times that my brothers pushed the blame of one incident or another on to me. I can remember thinking that the house was too full. Now, I, as I look back, realize that my wishes could not have been further from what I really wanted. I look back and realize how great it was to have those three brothers with whom to experience those years. We had each other’s back. There were times it was us against the parents. We supported each other when our dad passed, and now, I look forward to each and every time we get a chance to talk.

So now with this knowledge, I hope and pray that our daughter finds that one friend (or two) who will become a non-blood sister. I wish that as she enters her 20s that she finds that person who will be to her the same as my brothers are to me today and every day.

Oh well. Those are the things crossing my brain today.

Thank you for meandering with me today.