What is Success?

I find it funny how it appears that things fall into your lap when you are concentrating on a subject. While I would like to believe in coincidences, I think it is that your brain is just more aware and capable of finding those things for which you need answers. Yes, I also do believe in divine intervention, but I also believe in God helping those who are aware. Anyways, in less than two sentences, I have totally digressed from my actual topic. What is success? How about that, I bet you never saw that coming from the opening. That is truly what I am meandering about tonight, what is success.

I am unable to pinpoint the time or reason that this came into my head, but it has been bothering me for a while now. At what point is somebody considered a success? Is the title bestowed on a person once they reach a certain level or wealth, job title, position within the community, or some other factor?

I guess it is because I am a father, and, as a dad, I think about our daughter. I worry about what lies ahead for her. She talks so often about what she will be when she grows up. Depending on the day (sometimes hour or minute), her decisions change. She moves from a chef, to a fashion model, to a baker, to a teacher, and a mom. All of these sound wonderful to me since my concerns are the she is happy with who she becomes. However, would any of these make her successful?

My questions come from the way our society looks at success by individuals versus the community as a whole. On numerous occasions I have spoken to different people to get their point of view on this subject. I find it funny because when I have had the chance to have one-on-one talks, I hear, often, the same thing. I will consider my child successful if he/she can support the family while also being happy. When they talk of success it is more about an internal feeling versus a title and money.

Here is the funny thing about those conversations. I remember speaking to one friend who echoed the above sentiments. We were quite a bit into the conversation. I, at the time, did not have a child, but this person had a couple of kids. He agreed that we put too much pressure on the kids to be something better than their parents. Children are pushed to be that CEO or better. Parents want to have the next Steve Jobs. He then said that we should let children be whoever they want to be. I can remember then asking if he would be okay with his son being a custodian somewhere or cook at McDonalds. He stated yes and paused. He smiled and then sheepishly said, “No way. My kid will make something of himself.” He fell into the trap and fell hard.

While we are not 100% a capitalist society, it does have a control over us. I am not saying that this is a completely bad thing. Capitalism is the thing that makes new inventions happen. It moves us along in so many different ways. It allows for two guys to start off in a garage and end up creating jobs for 1000s of people. However, it also dictates what we expect out of all of our younger generation. We look down upon those who do things that make them happy. We consider them lazy, without drive, and not worthy. We don’t want people to go after their dreams if their dreams don’t end with a million dollars and mansion. Is society right or wrong?

So how do we set our young people up for success? How do we get them to understand that being a CEO, an artist, a parent, a writer, a custodian, a… fill in the blank is successful if that is what they want to be? They learn from their parents, teachers, mentors, television, and society. Children see pictures of mansions, parties, and limos and the word success is connected to them. It almost seems as if we are afraid to tell them that being a normal person who works hard, has a small home, and a car is just as successful. It is rare that we call someone who takes a job that doesn’t demand much of them so that they have time to go after their dreams or spend more time with their families. Instead, we seem to have only one idea as to what success is. Why?

I will admit that while in the classroom I tried to teach the success is what you believe it is. However, when I felt a student was living up their potential, I worked to help him/her improve. At times, I did it by asking what they wanted to be when they were older and then relating how being strong in English was what was needed. What I should have been doing was finding out what their strengths were and what they wanted to be and then nurturing that while at the same time giving them enough in the English side of the house to be good at their chosen path. Not everyone needs to have an A in English.

So now I need to live what I preach. I truly believe that our daughter can be “successful” in whatever it is that she choices to do. How do I make sure that I help her move in her direction without forcing a belief that she needs to be rich with a big title? How do I make sure, if that is what she wants, that I don’t cause her to not try to reach goals for fear of going against my beliefs?

All I can do is be there to help her in whatever direction she takes. There is no career that she can do that I won’t be proud of her. She may actually choose a job that isn’t great, but in the end it will allow her to have time to pursue something that she is passionate about or spend more time with her family. I will try to remember the recent cartoon by Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin and Hobbes) http://imgur.com/gallery/nRI1l

I promise to be there no matter her choice.

Thank you for meandering with me tonight.