About a month ago, I wrote a post questioning why people are afraid to ask for help. I spoke about looking at how I treat our daughter when she needs help. I then talked about how I always attempted to get myself back into shape without help. I always thought that needing to ask for help was a sign of weakness (for men), so I avoided it at all costs. In the last month, I have been working to change that in myself, in our daughter, and with others. How did it go? What happened when I asked for help?
I am glad to start by saying that I am still alive! I did not die nor did I become this worthless weakling that others could not stand to be around. In many ways, the opposite happened. I also noticed that our daughter has actually become a little more independent.
My wife and I just completed our fourth week on a fitness product. While I do not want to use this blog to advertise for companies, I will give credit where credit is due. We did the #21dayfix, by #beachbody. While I am sure that all of the companies have pros and cons, we ended up doing this one since one of our former colleagues was the coach. We did a week on our own. It helped that it was our spring break. We then joined a Facebook group created by our coach. This was difficult for me since we were all supposed to post information about ourselves including pictures. I was going to be held accountable by people I knew slightly or did not know at all. I asked for help and now had to hold up my end of the bargain.
Each day, we had to not only workout, but we had to monitor our intake. Then we had to post it. The last part was easy for me because my wife posted and I piggy-backed on her comments. Where the help came in was in the reading of the other participants’’ posts. We were there to support others on the rough days and cheer the good days. You also had to be honest when things weren’t working out as expected. I didn’t have extra people in my living room exercising, but I did have people giving me moral support from all over the country.
After 28 days, I am down almost 10 pounds. That doesn’t sound like much, but it is the differences in my body that make the difference. I can feel a difference every morning when I get dressed. I am getting results. More importantly, I have broken that 21-day barrier. Supposedly that is what it takes to set a habit. My habit is now set.
More importantly, I asked my wife for help. I could not keep the little colored cubes straight. I had no idea what I was supposed to eat or which workout I should complete each day. I was struggling to stay on the system. My wife kept everything straight for me. She kept me on target and moving. We were doing this together as a team. She challenged me on the days when I would start falling backwards into snacks or not wanting to exercise. She didn’t ask me IF I was going to exercise but WHEN. There was even a day that she turned the video on and looked at me. I had asked her for help, and she took the task seriously.
It is working. I believe that it has also made us a stronger team. In the end, it has set a great example for our daughter to see us doing this together.
I asked for help and I am stronger. I have found that this has even permeated my work. We are in the middle of state testing, getting finals ready, and setting up summer programs. Life is busy. I finally decided that I could let others into my world and help. The results have been great. I believe that by letting go of some of my responsibilities, it is helping to prepare my co-worker to take on bigger and better roles. It has been amazing to see how she thrives with the new roles. I have found that she is so much better than me at so many things. She is incredible to work with, and now I know that since I wasn’t asking for help, I was holding her back. I learned that not wanting to ask for help actually causes others to not be able to blossom. I failed by not letting her grow.
Finally, our daughter. I promised myself that I was not going to push away requests for help. Now when she asks for help instead of giving the third degree on whether she had really tried and done her best, I sit with her. I ask her to explain what she needs help with and what she has already tried. We then work through the problem together finding ways to solve whatever the issue. There is no arguing. There is so much more discussion, and she is learning to verbalize in new ways. I help her, but I do not do it for her.
This has helped her because she is no longer worried about asking for help. Since we have worked through different problems, I am finding that she is asking for less and less help. The best example is her current project on moths. She came home and told me in no uncertain terms that this was her project. I was NOT to help her unless she asked. The project is done. It is cute. I look at it and want to give suggestions as to how she could improve on it. I keep my mouth shut. She did not ask for help. In the end, it is the project of a second grade student – not the parent of a second grade student.
So what did I learn in this last month. You know it – asking for help is not only okay, it is necessary. I found out that it does not make you weak. It helps you become stronger because you end up doing more than you ever thought possible. You find out that together you can get through problems and reach goals. One day at a time.
So please, do not go through your problems alone. Ask for help.
Thanks for meandering with me today.