We are in the middle of the wonderful season of Back-to-School! Some schools have already been going for two weeks, ours has completed one week, and some will be starting soon. The most wonderful time of the year for parents and some students. It is also an exciting time for teachers as well. They have had some down time over the summer while also planning what they will do with those fresh faces that enter their classrooms looking for knowledge, friendship, attention, and new teachers. Social media is filled with stories letting us know that summer break is not really summer break. We have all seen those stories. This post is about something else that I have seen postings about over the last couple of weeks. People are posting about waiting to see who will have the honor of teaching their precious child. Worse, I have seen comments of dread and worry about getting (or finding out you have) a certain teacher. The “My Child has who?” syndrome.
Now I want to start by admitting, and probably ticking off fellow educators, that not every teacher is great. Not every teacher is the person for whom a movie will be made. Most teachers are just good people who work very hard at what they do. They try to engage their students, they try to offer a safe place, and they try to be there for those young people who occupy seats in their room. Yes. There are also some people in the field that might want to consider something else, but for now they are teaching. Yet each year, teachers go through the trials as parents decide whether or not they are deserving of the children assigned to them.
I understand, as a parent, that moms and dads want the best for their children. They want to feel as if they have the best teacher in the school and not just a teacher. They want to make sure that they get the teacher that the other parents have rated as number one. They want to make sure that their children will succeed in life, and one way to do that is by having the best educators. Again, I cannot blame parents for this. I too look hard at the people who have been selected to spend 8 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, in front of my child. Just the same, parents need to realize it will be okay. The person who the children will look up to and come home bragging about will do right by your child. Even if you don’t get the teacher your child (or you) wanted, life will be okay. Perhaps, by not getting the teacher of your choice, your child might even start to learn to stand-up for him or herself.
The first thing that parents need to know is that teachers do not spend time at night thinking about ways to pick on a specific child. They do not have time. I have heard comments about how a teacher hates a child and will do anything to make his/her life miserable. At the secondary level, a teacher spends 52 minutes with a class. Those students move out and another class moves in. I have yet to meet a teacher who has the time to hold that grudge throughout the day, into the night, and on to the next day. I know when my students used to come to me and talk about how a teacher is always picking on them, I asked, “What are you like in class?” After getting through the whole, “I am an angel”, we tend to find out that sometimes the student will do things to aggravate the teacher or cause some levity during class. In other words, the teacher may get down on the student in order to get the class back in order to allow for learning. Yes. Teachers do have bad days, but I hope and pray that when our daughter complains, I will dig deeper before blaming the teacher.
I will admit that sometimes it is not the student and it is not the teacher. With that many students going through a classroom, it is bound to happen that a teacher and student do not click. I had it happen in my class and some of the best teachers I will ever meet will admit that it has happened to them. Teachers will try different techniques to not become friends but at least make a working relationship. At the same time, parents can help their children learn to work to do the same. As I spoke with the students mentioned prior, I used to ask the students what can you do to make this better. We didn’t always hit a home run in the first discussion, but we would continue to talk and try different things. The hardest one for students to accept was the sit down. I used to suggest that they sit down with the teacher with whom they were disagreeing and work out a plan to get through the year. These students are learning a valuable skill.
Parents also need to realize that not every teacher is of the warm and fuzzy variety (have you ever seen my picture). Just like each student has their own style, so does each teacher. I used to tell my students in middle school that I could be mean or nice, the choice was theirs. I worked with my students on the first day to establish expectations. We talked about what their job was and what my job was and how we could make the class work. I definitely was not the hugging type. I still remember after the first three days one year of having a parent conference. The child told his mom he wanted to switch and how mean I was. At the start of the conference, the mom started explaining the reason for the meeting. I respectfully asked if the student could explain – she agreed. He then mentioned how scary I was because I demanded that students turn their work in as they entered the class, I forced them to write homework in their journal, and I expected them to work. The mom sat there staring at her student. “That’s why we are here?” I proceeded to ask the student if I ever yelled at him or any student to that point – “No.” I asked if I ever embarrassed a student in the class – “No.” The mother told him she wasn’t going to move him. Shortly after that meeting, I found the student hung out in my classroom. He high-fived in the hall, and, oh yeah, he became an A student.
I will admit that while I wasn’t soft and cuddly, those students became my kids and those classes became a family. The students would talk with me when they were troubled and came to me when they saw another of the “family” being picked on. My families went through divorces, deaths, coming outs, births, and other aspects of life. 
The point I want to make though is that don’t judge the teacher before you have a chance to see what happens with your child. Just because another parent thinks that the teacher is bad doesn’t mean you will think the same. Just because your older child didn’t click with a specific teacher doesn’t mean that teacher will not become the favorite teacher of your younger student. Just because your child comes home and says the teacher is mean doesn’t mean that this is the case. It is a chance for open-ended questions and possible ways to work through finding solutions to relationships that will carry them into the work world.
In the end, not every teacher-student relationship will work. Yes. A parent must be willing to, after allowing the student to try to work through it first, talk to the teacher and if needed the principal. Sometimes a change is the only answer. But remember this – no teacher goes to school in the morning looking for ways to make the life of a student one of misery. No teacher wants to have to struggle through his or her day. No student and no teacher is perfect. In the end, it is a room filled with young people and one adult trying to learn. That is why a teacher is there. To teach. So please, before you scream, “We have who?!” Take the time to get to know the person and not the stories and rumors.