I fe
el the need to start by saying that this is not a religious posting. You will understand in a second.
Anybody who knows me, knows that I am a man of my faith. I attend church, I pray with my family, and I teach confirmation classes. All the while, I try to not only attend my faith; I try to put it into practice. I teach our daughter and my confirmation students that faith is not just about believing; it is about acts. The two, faith and acts, go hand-in-hand. One needs the other. I teach them to go out and live their faith.
Now I promised that this was not a religious posting, and yet the prior paragraph, in its entirety, spoke of religion. Here is the turn. I try to practice what I preach, but I struggle with when it is okay to step in and do an act. The acts are done, not for glory or a pat on the back, but to quietly go about doing the works I am supposed to do. There are often times when I see an opportunity to ACT, but I stop. I do not stop out of laziness. I do not stop out of being two-faced. I stop because I am human. I stop due to my worries about what I am supposed to do.
This morning I had to stop at the local supermarket. I just needed a few things, and I had time while taking our daughter to school. We quickly gathered the four items – well three but who can resist splitting an Almond Joy at 6:40 in the morning. We went to the only open cashier and waited our turn. Ahead of us was a couple, perhaps about my age, maybe slightly younger, checking out. I had seen them in the aisles picking up groceries. You could tell that they were looking at prices. Now I stood behind them able to see their entire grocery list spread out on the conveyor belt before us. I did not see soda and junk food. I saw staples that a family would need to eat. I saw things that were marked down for quick sale. I saw nutrition on that belt.
The cashier rang them up. The bill came to $57.48. I was actually impressed on how much they were getting for that amount. I could overhear the conversation as the man pulled out his card. “I think we only have $40 left on this.” He handed it to the cashier to check. I could not see the card, but now I believe it was an EBT card. The cashier slid the card. The bill dropped to $17.48. The man had been correct. I waited…….. I hesitated.
I saw an opportunity to jump forward and tell the cashier that I would cover the rest. I stood. I wanted to do it, but something stopped me. The wife stated that she had the cash in her purse. She started searching the purse for money. I saw singles come out. I saw other items come out as she searched. The cashier looked at me with an apologetic look. I could read her eyes, “I am sorry that this is taking so long.” She did not do it to embarrass just trying to offer a little customer service. I saw that the wife kept adding to the pile with each pull. My hand moved for my wallet…..I waited. I hesitated.
Before I could make a decision, another employee had grabbed my items and told me to move to the next counter. I looked at my cashier. She looked at me. I think she knew what I wanted to do. Neither of us knew how to initiate the first step. I moved to the next counter.
In 3 minutes 14 seconds, I had been checked out, handed my receipt, given my items, and told to have a nice day. I waited. I hesitated. The woman was now counting out the 48 cents. We started walking out the door. The direction made it so we did not walk by the couple. After four steps, our daughter mentioned we had parked out the other door. We reversed and started in the other direction – past the original counter. The couple was now checking to make sure that they did have enough. I waited. I hesitated.
I heard an amount. Sighed and walked. The couple came out a minute later as I sat in my car just to ensure that they weren’t still counting or removing items. They had their full bags and moved on into their day. I waited. I hesitated. I became angry. Why? Why had I waited?
I have thought about this quite a bit throughout my day. I am not sure if this is an excuse or true reasoning. I waited because I did not know how to offer help. I so wanted to tell them to put the pile away, and I would cover the excess amount. But I was afraid. I was afraid of insulting the man. I was afraid that he would be embarrassed at not being able to provide for his family. I didn’t want him to have to accept a handout when he could do it. I worried more for his feelings than his family.
I spoke with a colleague. She informed me that she wouldn’t have waited. She actually paused when I explained my hesitation and said she never would have thought of that. I fear I have tainted her. Instead of my grabbing on to how she works, I may have muddied the waters.
I find it even more interesting that I commented on the fact that if it had been a woman by herself or with children, I wouldn’t have waited. It was because a man was present that I felt the need to wait – to hesitate. I do not believe that he would have been angry. I truly think he would have appreciated the help. But for some reason, we make it harder for men to accept help. We don’t want them to lose face. We hesitate.
This event made me stop and think. How many other times have I waited or anyone else for that matter. When have we let fears of feelings or anger stop us from doing the right thing. I don’t even limit this to helping someone buy groceries. How many times have we watched someone go off on a child – and waited? How many times have we had the chance to assist in some way, but hesitated?
I want to change. This does not mean that tomorrow I will wake to the sound of angels singing over my head. It does mean that maybe my wait will not last as long and I will get the courage to act. Perhaps, the change can start with those who read this as well. If we all start acting and stop waiting then perhaps it will not be as difficult for our daughter’s generation to act and not wait at all. Perhaps, she will never look back and ask, why did I wait?