No Time to Say Good-Bye

As I have gotten older, I have started to understand my parents and grandparents a little more. Those silly old people somehow grew in wisdom as I grew in age. Perhaps it was hanging around me so much that they just could not help but glean some of the wisdom that, in my teenage years, I knew I had – and they were lacking. Perhaps one day, I will be able to accept that knew so much more than I will ever know, and they wasted it on trying to teach a teenager. Regardless, this past week taught me another lesson that the older generation tried so hard to get me to learn. I guess some lessons are learned when the time is right.

Part of the problem with growing older (I did not say old), is that we have more people in our lives, and more people in our lives means more people for who bad things can happen. My wife and I were looking at our friends recently and ticking off the number of people suffering from cancer, have heart issues, are dealing with addictions, or are suffering in some way. By suffering, we really meant people who are working hard to extend the time that they have here on earth. We also look at family and friends whose ages were numbers that we never thought possible when we were younger. The number blows us away. Therefore, whenever we can, we update each other on how so-and-so is doing. We tell each other about new treatments that are being attempted. We cheer their successes and weep for the losses. Nevertheless, these people, these fighters are the ones for whom I am writing.

We are accepting of the fact that our friends are going through very difficult times. We try to check in on them, find out what is going on, and when we can and no one has germs a visit to say hello. Whether we do it on purpose or not, the one thing I have noticed is how I talk with these friends. How I react when I am super busy and I see their number come up on my phone. I notice how my patience grows with these friends because I know the fight they are having. I am aware of the battle going on inside their bodies. I empathize with the struggle. Because of that struggle, I am willing to take that phone call. I am willing to do extra favors.

It is funny because even without thinking about it, we step up more for our friends who are suffering because they are our friends, but, possibly, if the worst happens, we do not want to feel as if we caused them any extra pain. We love these people and want to help – even if it is just saying hello. Still these wonderful people are not the subject today.

We recently lost a colleague, a friend. We lost a person who should still be around to say hello in the morning. Someone who should be able to share stories of her children with my wife. A person who 7 days ago was not even close to being on the list of friends above. It happened quickly. It happened without notice. It happened without the time to say good-bye. That is what today’s writing is about – not having the time to say good-bye.

In the last few days, this friend has been the topic of a number of conversations. We talked about how wonderful she was. People have written about her love was more abundant than all others. I have read about how she cared about so many and always worked so hard. Friends are pouring out their hearts with tales of their time with her. Except we never got to say good-bye.

I have played things over and over in my head. Were there times that she called me while I was in the middle of something and I let the phone go to voicemail knowing that I could always call her later? Did I ever let an email go unanswered? Did I avoid her because I just didn’t have the time to talk? Did I miss an opportunity to say one last nice thing to her?
Quite honestly, I do not know the answers to the above questions. Just like the rest of us, my day gets busy and has many people moving in and out of it. I want to believe that I always gave her a friendly hello when we passed; I know she always gave one to me.

The question today, though, is why are we willing to give those friends struggling our time and attention, and allow all the others to get what they get? We always want to believe that those friends will be back tomorrow. We can give them our time tomorrow. We can answer their call tomorrow. Our smile will be on our face the next time we see them. The extra favor can be done…

No. It can’t always be done tomorrow. This week was a wakeup call to a familiar song. We do not know what tomorrow will bring and if we will be part of it. All of our friends, family, co-workers, and others deserve to be treated like there is no tomorrow.

I know that come tomorrow (a Monday) the rat race will be off and running again. I know that both lines of my phone will be ringing and someone will step into my office wanting to talk with me. I am not naïve enough to think that there are enough hours in the day to handle what we are responsible for and give ourselves to everyone. But perhaps, just perhaps, tomorrow when I am unable to take a call, answer an email, stop and talk, I will remember to reach out to those people at a later time to let them know that I care.

I am well aware that there will be so many more days where I will find out that I did not get to say good-bye. Yet, I can do something from now on to make sure that those days might be a little easier.