Lesson About Priorities

Tonight’s post has many purposes. The one thing it is not for is sympathy. It does carry with it an apology to my wife and daughter. It holds a reflection of who I am. It has, I hope, a message for many people – people like me. It carries these responsibilities as I explain my morning to the world.

Like most mornings, I woke early, got ready for work, and prepared for the day. This included making our daughter’s lunch, and getting both of us out the door and on with the day. I promised our daughter breakfast out, so I had one less thing to worry about. I kissed my wife as she walked out. I checked the thermostat to ensure we weren’t heating an empty house. I poured the cats a snack and checked their water. I surveyed the house one last time, and off we went.

As we drove down the hill, our daughter and I chatted about the book she had just finished. She was writing a summary for class and was checking how things sounded. We talked about the book fair that is happening at school. Then we talked about her play and the upcoming basketball games. This morning was just like every other morning – until…
As I was driving, I start to feel a pain in my chest. It was a tightening, just discomfort. It wasn’t exactly in the chest but below it. I moved around a bit in my seat – no good. I sat up straight, I slouched – still there. It didn’t radiate. It didn’t move. Nothing else bothered me. I tried to use my diaphragm to see if it was just indigestion.

Funny side note here – I DON’T BURP!!! Never really have, and I figure after 52 years I won’t be starting any time soon. As a matter of fact, the only two times I can remember actually letting out a belch – it was followed by a flow. I get little bubbles that gently float up and out. I envied my brothers as a kid. Anyways….

I tried to see if I could dislodge some heartburn (something I never get so I didn’t know if that was this). I felt a couple of bubble, but no real change. I will admit that I did not panic. I did not fear. I accepted what this might be. Our family has a HUGE history of heart troubles, and I have already surpassed my dad by 10 years. I also know that medicine is different today than it was 30 years ago. I was ready to take this on. I continued moving about and using my diaphragm. The pain had not increased or moved, so I was pretty sure that this was whatever I ate last night. I continued slow breathing.

We stopped for breakfast and got out of the car, it started to subside. More bubbles surfaced and the difference in posture helped. It passed and I got on with my day. Physically I got on with my day – mentally was a different story.

Once I got to work, I played the events over in my head. I started to get mad at myself – not for the reason many are probably guessing. I was confident that this was just gas, so I was not upset with my actions. What bothered me was my thought pattern while dealing with all of this.

As I pondered the fact of what this might be, I started thinking about the work that laid sprawled over my desk. I thought of the finals that needed reformatting, printing, inserted into the proper programs. I thought about the work I still had to do to get our schools ready for testing. I thought about orders that had to be done. I wondered how anybody could step in and know where to pick up. I know that I am not irreplaceable. Any person can be replaced, and when the time comes, I will be replaced. I was just worried about the immediate tasks at hand and how to convey what needed to be done in what order.

After solving those issues in my mind, then I turned my thoughts to my family and how a stay in the hospital would do to them. My wife and I are a finely tuned unit. It takes both of us to get things done. I worried about the extra pressure it would put on her and how things would affect our daughter.

Funny, the one thing that did not cross my mind is what if this was the big one. I was ready to put my hand over my heart and yell, “Ethel, I’m coming.” Spiritually, I am accepting that when the end comes is not something that we get to decide, so I am doing everything I can to have that be the least of my concerns when the big one hits.

So why was I mad at myself? I spent the morning replaying the fact that work was the first thing that came to my mind. I thought over and over about how my worries were about completing tasks within my small office. My concerns first went to how much extra work this would cause others, and only after running all of that did I think about my family.
WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?

I spent the day wondering about my priorities. How had my life become work first and family second? A friend explained that this is typical for men – They are hunters and providers. Men worry about taking care of their family and by doing a good job at work, we are providing for our families. While I can understand the idea behind that… WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The sad fact is that I am not alone. I know many people who would have run similar thought patterns themselves. Too many people with whom I work would have worried about their classes, the papers needing grading, the projects due to their bosses. Not just those in education, but in so many career fields. We are a society of workaholics. Our priorities are work first family second.

The thing is that I cannot blame my job for this. I cannot place the responsibilities on the shoulders of my employers (they often tell me to leave work and go home at the end of the day). I cannot blame my family. My father, while I may have learned work ethic from him, is not responsible for how I am. The blame is squarely on my own shoulders. This is who I am. It would not matter if I was in my current job, a principal, working in a restaurant, or writing my books, this is who I have allowed myself to become.

So, I owe my family an apology. You should have been first. My love for them is bigger than any love I have ever had. They should have been first. They mean everything to me. They should have been first.

I am going to try to change. I cannot promise, but I can try. It will be baby steps. Turning off the phone at home, not worrying about emails after work. Always having my family first. I will still work the hours I do. When I am at work, work will be the priority. But I am going to try to leave work at work. I am going to enjoy my family more.

I will stumble. I will fall. I will fail time and time again. It will not happen overnight, and it may take years. I will try.

So, I ask those to whom I referred earlier. How about you? What will it take before you get the call to look at your priorities? Today, for me, it was gas. A little bit of gas. It did not frighten me. It did not make me fall to my knees and kiss the ground. It did make me think. How about you?