Today was one of those days in which you get out of bed with excitement for the day, and then, with little warning or time gone, the day turns. I am not talking life shattering disastrous things – just little things – one right after another. The biggest problem is that with each thing that happened, I allowed myself to fall down the hole without a second thought. I not once tried to stop my mood from falling. I almost looked forward to seeing how far down, the day would go.
Then it happened. Facebook popped up with “We have memories for you.” I pushed it off. I didn’t want to walk down memory lane. I think in the back of my mind, I didn’t want something to cheer me up. I was totally ignoring everything I always tell our daughter. I totally wiped away the “no matter what happens, it is your choice on how you react.” Lunch came and I scanned my notifications on my phone. Once again, I saw that I had memories. I clicked on it.
Facebook reminded me, in so many ways that today is the second anniversary of my Mom’s passing. Stupid Facebook told me in memory post after memory post that she passed away on this day. The app took no worry in reminding me that this was the day in which we had to say good bye to the last parent – the woman who raised my brothers and me. I was ready to shut my office door and dig deeper into the hole. Then I noticed –
I saw that with the different posts from that day there were over 100, 150, 200 comments. I saw how many friends past and present reached out to me and my brothers that day. I saw the love, the prayers, the concerns, and the friendship.
Facebook reminded me of stories that people had shared. It showed me comments from people who never met my mom, but who just knew that she was a good person. I saw so many people wanting to help in any way possible. I saw that even on, one of my darkest days, I had a lot of love and support. I saw I was being stupid today.
My life today is in a much better place than I was on that day. I have been so lucky and fortunate in where my life has gone. My brothers are all still here and healthy. I have a beautiful wife who supports and loves me in so many ways. We have a daughter that trusts and loves us as she grows. We have friends that are dealing with so many problems.
How could I sit there and wallow away for such little issues?
I finished reading the posts. I wiped away my tear. I decided to work hard to change who I am.
Today, of any day, I have the right to be a little off. It would be easy for me to just toss in the towel. I cannot. I read those posts about my Mom and thought about how she would react had she seen me.
I will not say that this day does not have sadness connected to it. It also has love and support attached to it. In the last act of my Mom, I find love.
Mom – I still miss you every day, but thank you for smacking me in the head and telling me to knock it off.