We are currently on our district’s spring break. After spending the first few days puttering around the house and checking things off the to-do list, we left the city behind to spend a few days up in the mountains. While my wife and I still do some work for our jobs, it seems like the stress of the jobs cannot traverse up the nearly 7000’. We have some great family time and downtime. However, I also take advantage of the area and go for some lengthy walks. The walk of yesterday is where I meander with this posting.
I love to go out early when the sun is just starting to peak about the peeks. The quiet of the time and lack of human movement allow me to let go and just let my mind wander while I move about the path of which I have chosen. Yet yesterday’s walk seemed to come with a more focused mind than other wanderings. My mind kept comparing this simple event to life. Parts of life and life as a whole.
My walk started within the warmth and love of my home. Since the temperature stood at a brisk 27 degrees, I prepared to leave the house by putting on layer upon layer. The home contained a loving, supporting family. I didn’t want to leave, but, much like a young person reaching adulthood, no matter the love and support, there comes a time when the door must be opened and out you step.
Standing on the back porch, it did not seem bad. I had a feeling of “nothing could hold me back.” That young 20 something came to mind as he might be graduating college, entering an apprenticeship, starting a new job, joining the military – any number of paths that would be awaiting – all that takes is that first step – of the porch I went.
So many different paths stood before me when I reached the end of the drive and the first intersection. I could go left, right, forward, or back. The path, while it could be suggested to me by others, was mine to choose. Straight-on with a goal in mind, I stepped.
The first part of my walk had me moving forward, making a turn when needed, choosing not to go down paths that looked to be dead ends, ignoring options that, I thought, might take me from my goal. My head stayed down watching the road for after the harsh winter, it was anything but smooth. There were potholes, cracks, rocks, and large puddles that I had to avoid. Eyes down from other distractions that might trip me up. I moved just like a young person trying to obtain their goal. I was full of energy and the goal seemed simple.
Soon I reached the first uphill. The road was still treacherous to the step and now the first incline started. I hadn’t noticed it while walking amongst the houses, but now I realized that there was a slight breeze. As luck would have it, the breeze was a tailwind, pushing from behind. I felt the wind as fingers and then a whole hand pushing me up that first obstacle. It was as if nature wanted to help me reach that goal. I thought of being the young person in school or shortly after joining the Air Force. I had so many people supporting me, rooting for me. Wanting me to succeed and pushing me up that hill.
Part way up that hill, a noise, possibly the call of a bird or some other animal, caused me to turn my head and look back. I could see how far I had already come. More importantly, I noticed that off my right shoulder clouds were beginning to form. A storm might be brewing. I knew that it would not start during my journey, so instead of fear, I took in its beauty. I realized that it had been there all along, but my head down walking had made me miss the awe of my surroundings. I once again equated it to my younger years when I was so focused on doing the right things, on reaching for a goal, that I had forgotten to take in how beautiful the world was, and I closed myself off from enjoying what I had as part of my life.
The top of the hill made me swerve off my path for a gate was closed across the road. How many times do we work hard at a path only to find that it is blocked, it is not the right path. We worked to only have to find a different path to move along.
I finally reached my first downhill. I can move faster, but it does carry several twists and turns as it goes. The downslope gives a false sense of security for the road is now paved and the hazards of the earlier roads disappear. I start to take in more of the scenery. I notice that the dry lake bed is now anything but. The flat area that normally allows for livestock to move about is now covered with water. It is due to this lack of concentration that I feel my feet slip and lose the normal stride. The “safe” road has a slight angle to it and with this the melting snow of the last few days had made a little stream to cross the pavement. Unfortunately, with the cold temperatures of the night, this temporary stream froze. I slid a bit – no fall or injuries, but I had been caught losing sight of my goal. Doesn’t this sound so much like life? You finally get to a point where you can have a little less stress, you can start to enjoy things only to be caught of guard when reality sneaks up on you.
The rest of the first part of the loop equated to finally getting in a position that works for you. It had some up hill and some down. You could enjoy the surroundings while keeping your eye glancing at the road. Then life sneaks up on you.
I rounded the corner of the farthest point – not half way but turning to head in a different direction. I know this path and am looking forward to a nice downhill stretch. Just like life, this walk had different thoughts. Those winds that had earlier seemed to be friendly and wanting to see me succeed now turned on me.
I walked into a headwind. At first it seemed fine, but the more I moved into the open, the more it grew. While measuring devices probably tracked it at a mile or two, with the cold and nothing to block it, it felt like gale force winds. It did not help that I now walked on the opposite side of the no-longer dry lake bed. The choppy water slapped against the shore. As I walked, I could feel that it hit the shore hard enough to throw droplets of water into the air and right towards my face. The wet wind reminded me of the winters in England. The cold moisture would penetrate any clothes and go right through your skin and into the bones. I could feel my arms tightening up in the cold. How many times do you feel as if you should be in a coasting period of life only to find those who helped you in the past, or should be helping you now, are actually the obstacles trying to force you from your path.
Finally, I reached the area that had me back within neighborhoods. The winds, blocked, no longer held me back. I plateaued on the roads. Just like life there comes a time when you seem to be moving along nice and steady – not struggling but not coasting either. I moved forward now seeing the end in sight – I was well over half-way.
The point that really seemed to mirror my life is the beginning of the last third. The path turned to the left and it went up – really up. The point where your energy is starting to fade; you find the most difficult of the climb. I thought about how when people, like me, are in their fifties, it should be the start of the downhill coast – it’s not. It is at this point that the struggles to prove that you are still relevant begin. You are now set deep into making your goal happen and you must struggle to juggle all that life has given you.
Only during the last part of the walk did the uphill seem to disappear. Some of the path went down, most was just even. Even with the lack of uphill, the struggles of the damaged and icy road still popped up causing me to stay alert and get through the obstacles.
Finally, I came to the front door. I met and conquered my goal. Yet, the door was locked. I had to knock to gain entry. I saw this as one of two parts to life. How many times do we find the proverbial door closed and we must make a choice to knock or turn away? I also pictured this being the Heavenly gates, and I know I will knock at and hope that it opens.
It is interesting as I look back at this walk. I realized how many ups and downs my own life has had to date, and I know that there will be so many. I know that my working to be healthy is supported by many – my family and friends. I know that they are with me every step that I take. However, in the end, I see that my life is my path. No matter the support and love, it is up to me. I can decide to go an easy route but find that the end is nowhere as beautiful as one that requires more work. The twists and turns of my life might be slightly affected by outside items, but it is still my choice whether to stay the course or turn. I have turned at times when I shouldn’t have. I have stayed straight and struggled when there was an easier route. However, I am at the top of a beautiful mountain – both literally and figuratively. I am happy that I have reached this point and am anxious to see where the path goes next.
I must say that there were three other things that came up during this walk. I saw a lot of death as I walked. We are in the middle of winter (regardless of what the calendar says), and the trees are leafless and, due to drought, many dead trees waiting to fall. Yet, at the same time, I saw new life. I saw how the trees dropped the seeds for new life. That new life was growing and popping. I realized that I could look at the death and sadness or look at the hope of the future. This goes right along with the smells of the day. Many times, I took in the smell of pine, but nature made sure I knew that life isn’t always sweet. It also kicked the smell of the dirt road into my nostrils and horse manure.
The last comparison of life was this voice in my head. How often do we travel through life with a voice in our head telling us that we are not good enough? That was my journey as well. I had my health app running during the entire trip. Every half mile, the voice came on and she told me my overall time, my split time, and my current pace. It was a voice telling me, “You’re not good enough. You’re not fast enough. You should do better.” How often do we sit there and let that voice talk to us in that way? Do you realize that that is your own voice saying those things?
So, this was quite a journey for me during this walk. I went through an entire life span. I saw the ups and downs. I struggled. I coasted. I made my goal. I realized that life can only defeat me if I let it.
On a side note, I walked the same path today. The temps were colder but there was no wind. The walk was easier, possibly due to different music as well. It showed me that the same path can be walked twice, but due to obstacles or items both within and outside of our control, the path is different. I can sit and be upset that the path can be easier for some than others. I can sit and question whether I should have taken a different path yesterday. I can… There are so many I cans, I should have, I regret, I wish I had in life that we could spend a life just looking at those.
I thank for you for allowing me to meander with you. I hope your path has less ups than downs.