Lessons of a Catholic Man at a Same Sex Wedding

A little over a week ago, I attended a wonderful celebration where I was surrounded by joy and love. I have been wanting to write about it since I got home that night. I have wanted to share the events with the world. Yet days have gone by. I have opened Word multiple times and started typing. I do it once again tonight – wondering if I will complete what I start. You see, it is not the event that keeps me from completing this post, but fear. I fear how others will react to what I am about to share. So far, my posts have been simple and written in a way to avoid any type of conflict with my readers. It dawned on me that if I am going to be free to write – then I must take that risk and be free with my writing.

I moved California over 19 years ago. Between my time in the service and living in California, I have friends from all walk of life. I count myself lucky to have this group of people to call friends. I often wondered just how open I was as a person and my willingness to stand by these people. For the last few years, there has been an event that I assumed would eventually happen, and I did not know just how I would deal with it when it occurred.

That event is that of which I write. I stood together with a small group as two wonderful people stood together to say their vows in front of family and friends. These women promised to be true to one another, support each other, and to love each other for now and forever. I watched them marry one another and the only word I could use to describe my feelings was pride. The same pride I had/have when I watch any one of my friends take this step of love for life. So why would something that filled me with pride and tears cause me fear to write about it? As you can tell by the title, my religion is part of it. However, the friends I have had since birth and throughout my adult life are more the cause. I have conservative, faithful friends. By attending this beautiful ceremony, they may question whether to continue their friendship with me. It is time to stop worrying about that and share why I chose to attend this beautiful ceremony.

The two friends I watched walk down the aisle, first with their fathers and then back again together, are the most incredible, selfless people I have ever met. They are better people than I can ever be. Both would do anything for a person in need – friend or not. They are the most caring couple that I have met for many years. They share not only a love for one another but a love for life and every thing in it. They have taught me to be a better person. They teach by example – not words. Yet, that is just a small reason.

Here is the most important thing of why I share my friends with you. These two are stronger individually than most people I know. They are even stronger together. I know that I am fortunate that I was born a white, heterosexual male in the United States. While I, just like every other person, have troubles and obstacles, I cannot even begin to fathom what it took for these two to not only find one another, but to fall in love, and even more so to stand up and pledge their love. Their strength is something to draw on. Their strength is something from which others can learn. They gave up worrying about how the world would see them, or even if it would accept them. They knew that the other was more important than world.

The question still comes on how I, as a Catholic, could stand there and condone this marriage. That was not hard for me. First – I would do anything for these two people. They are more than friends. In the last seven years, they have grown to be more like family. I could not abandon my sister.

I also drew from my faith to be able to attend. Jesus taught us, me, that we are supposed to love one another. He did not care how people saw those with whom he kept company. He kept company with those who loved him. He did not pick the people who wanted to be by his side, he just said, “come.” If He was willing to welcome everyone into his life, how can I turn people away. I have learned to love one another as He has loved me. My love is far from perfect, but I work at it each day.

Here is what my two friends have taught me. I am far from perfect, and if I am not perfect – how can I even pretend to judge another person. Love is pure. It doesn’t ask what one looks like. It cares not for the color of your skin or your gender. When love is as pure as what I have witnessed, I can only stand next to it. Finally, one must have strength to stand up in this world. I am ready to stand up in this world.

If my sharing the love of these two people loses me friends, then I am saddened. Saddened that that would be the thing to call an end to friendships. I leave you with just a few questions. How many people of faith have you witnessed being Holy on Sunday and otherwise the rest of the week? I have seen people commit to a life of love only to realize in a few years that it was not the right person. I stand by those friends just like I stood by these two, and I hope they will stand by me. Finally: Would you truly turn your back on a friend if you found out that they were Gay or a Lesbian? What if it was your child? I do not know how the life of our daughter will turn out. I only hope that no matter what turns her life takes, I can be there to support her and walk that path with her just the way these two dads did.

These two wonderful people are not out to change others. They are not out to convince people to turn away from their faith. What they are is two people who want to be able to share their lives in love with one another. They want to be able to express that love without judgement. They want, and for the life of me I cannot figure this out, to be able to live the same way I do.

So, I raise a glass to these two amazing, caring, wonderful, loving women. I wish them a long and happy marriage. I pray that the love that they share today grows each and every day. I wish them a day when they no longer need to be strong just to be in love.